Raggin' Piano Boogie
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Since 1987 |
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August 29, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaTechnology has surpassed my ability to work in many ways. This website is an example. I've kept it as it is because it is mine and I am not willing to create on any other platform but my own. I realize that most everyone else has given over what they own, their privacy, creativity, work, individuality and are now giving over their minds and spirit to AI... not me. I do not have the funds to pay for a website upgrade or a computer that I can use to continue as I have. My browsers will not work and the internet is almost unusable because of demanded upgrades that just take away more personal and individual ownership of my life and work. Others have people who work for them for different needs like that. Unfortunately, I do not. So... I found a way to make this post through the website of my hosting company. Not good... but I want to let people know what is happening. I'm still with the Traveling Piano. Soon the temperatures will drop so I can take it out to the streets while hoping the last month has not fried the piano, speaker and all the other workings in it. It has been over 110º every day. I would be able to better continue with help, which I would like but now in my seventies the umph is just not there to find it and, it looks like as with my entire past life, I will remain a one man show until I pass. |
August 24, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada |
August 23, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaI have never been a huge history buff but have been watching the PBS American Revolution documentary that was released at the end of last year. It is absolutely amazing in both story and visually. The truth about our US history is given in detail and shows how this country came to be. I can now understand that everything happening today is just the same as it was... an ongoing disregard for life and environment in worst of ways concerning humanity as a whole. The documentary touches on at least 50 different towns and places from where I grew up and spent time in. I had no appreciation of the land I walked on throughout my years in life and what people from all walks of life dealt with back then. Just one little example, "Bowman’s Hill Tower" in Washington Crossing Buck County. This was basically an unkept relatively small deserted brick tower in the woods that I understood was a lookout back during the revolution. I used to climb it, kids got high in it, party, sometimes a history buff would find it... meant nothing more than that while growing up. Now... wow how significant! How people lived through that time never to grow to my age and what they went through... just, wow. Close by, the Temperance House in Newtown, PA still in operation is where I had my first gig playing the piano fifty three years ago! In 1772 it was a gathering place for soldiers, where troops rested and received supplies. I wish I had been able to appreciate the history of that space as I created music for the first time with my career. |
August 22, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
Eating less is messing with my sleep. I am on day three. Today I eat whatever I want. Tomorrow back to fasting, the next day small meals then repeat. I walked for an hour at the mall. This is not going to work without exercise, I know that. My knee hurt all night. It was the first time there without Mo. It was amazing how he handled moving escalators from day one. I dreamt of our having a reunion last night and after some hesitation he jumped into my arms and uncharacteristically held me tight, silent and motionless to show his love. Everyday I must build back into my original routine. Create some music if only in my room. Cook and eat, exercise, meditate, watch some comedy on my computer, make sure to create a blog entry daily, post online, connect with someone, there are about ten other activities that used to be in my journey's routine. One step at a time. I want to leave this world lighter and on track.
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August 21, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaI've made a decision. Of course decisions have never been easy for me but once made, I always follow through. I've been dying. I mean literally, my ability to function physically, my ability to think in a state of depression, everything is going. I've not been depressed for over thirty years. I'm sleeping more and more, no energy. My hearing, eyesight, strength... well, just allowing myself to die is not the way to go for me. I cannot allow myself to just wither away. As it is, the journey is over I've no interest or ability to continue on. Nothing good can happen as long as I do not become lighter in weight. Ahh... my old life long issue once again and a major aspect of this journey from day one. So, my decision is that I would rather die of starvation than eating myself to death. Yep, the old all or nothing mentality. Of course I'm not going to literally starve myself to death. I fasted yesterday with nothing but a lot of water. I had to tell myself directly, you are not going to die from one day without food. Today, I had a strong protein milkshake with fruit and an ensure and a small bowl of cereal. I took my vitamins with lots of water. Tomorrow I will eat whatever I want and as much as I want. One day basically fasting with an ensure protein food shake, the next day three small food meals and the third day splurge. I've done this once before many years ago and it works for me along with exercise of course. The delay of instant gratification is also good. I tell myself, you can have whatever you want... tomorrow. |
August 20, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I've had friends who have loved me but did not respect me in ways that are very important for whatever reasons, they do not matter. The lack of respect is what matters. This I have realized only in looking back and as I gain self-respect and mature. I have said many times that this journey manifested as a result of trusting my motives in life and flying away from all my past shit. We never get to totally fly away tho. People before this journey tried to apply false motives to my intent. They looked on me as incapable and communicated that while always standing proud and astonished as I accomplished whatever they thought I was incapable of. I have been too real for most people and in my earlier years friends would fear what I would say or how I would act with their own friends because of that. They were fearful I would be "too much" or unacceptable as a result of being straight forward and upfront in my communicating and... too needy. There was some fact to this. I spent twenty five years in intense therapy to become aware and grow away from my dysfunctions. I learned boundaries and limits for myself and others. Several really close friends in the past could not allow my growth and maturity and so I grew away from them for the sake of my life. As with my own family, i would rather live alone rather than with dysfunction. Really, it has not been a choice and more of a life and death matter.
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August 19, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
Most all of my friends have not included me in their own circle of friends throughout life. I used to think that was my fault and is some ways early on it was. I needed "special" one-on-one friendships with people and had no ability to be part of anything or "one of". Friends where fearful of my relating with their friends because of my personality, neediness and being too straightforward with who I am. I would be included in some friend parties and family gatherings but never just to hang out or do anything in a group. Now, I realize the dynamic was not all my fault. I have drawn people into my life who were in fact not inclusive people when it came to me. It has been a two way street on the matter and I without ever saying, reinforced exclusion for desire of "special" relationships. That has all to do with my mother and siblings. This journey has helped me learn about who I really am. It has helped me to matured with understanding in life. Some of my defects are never going away and I guess that is where the idea of practicing and learning until the day one dies enters into life.
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August 18, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I've never had a circle of friends. While having had many friends throughout life, the only time I have ever been able to bring friends together was through parties I threw back in the day. Also, I've never been included in a circle of friends. This extends to my inability to have created a network of volunteers for the Traveling Piano. I have an understanding of why about all this. Understanding has not helped to make any change throughout my life. The ways of my formative years will not change. I must live through them and do the best I can as an adult. Life's ways are different for different people. This is how it is for me. Sometimes I think how I was born the way I am. I suppose this is where the idea of a predestined life enters into peoples minds.
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August 17, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
One of my I would call "downfalls" in life but really, it just what it is... and mostly in the past, has been to act in ways and to say things that push people away. I had a tendency to keep other people from learning to trust my intent because I did not trust my own intent as false motives were applied to me from the start of life. I was raised to think that way concerning why not to trust other people in life. "Trust only family" Lol, they were the most guilty of what they feared from others. Also, I was taught from the start that I was not capable of practically everything. It was not known that I was dyslexic in the extreme and that was the source of my learning disabilities along with major generational family dysfunction. Generationally, alcohol played a big part in all that. Anyway, through my formative years I was always crying "needy" and that became my way for life. To this day it is still a problem as I communicate need when not really needing or wanting and knowing that I will do what is needed for myself. I am a survivor. It is a constant battle to stay honest with myself on the matter. A persona of neediness, I can put out in personal relating to my own detriment.
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August 16, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I went to purchase ice pops from the gift card given and embarrassingly, the card was empty after having put through a hundred fifty purchases of ice pops in the self-checkout line. There are really fucked up people in the world. I texted the contributor and waited for a reply. Nothing. Did it a second time, nothing. Waited four days, nothing. They had no intention of contributing and wanted to get out of the situation, their offer... in the easiest way possible for themselves. Like several times before, they were just using me to look like they are givers online for others. I was being used for self-promotion. So now I'll just block them from all my social media. This is not a first time something like this has happened with others. It is so disappointing and always astonishing how people can be as I just would never believe they can be. How people can be users, hurts. When they first contacted me I knew the odds were against their following through as in the past but I choose to trust. I am always learning how to give and take.
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August 15, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
Contribution for the Traveling Piano must be with no strings attached. I take support from people as I give it. Personal ego fulfillment and a "what can you do for me" mentality is a shut off valve for me when it comes to the agenda of others. I do not need to explain that for anyone and know what I am doing. I've been doing it for twenty years. I've done it the other way for twenty years before. I know both ways and everything in between. My way has worked for me and here I am with twenty years proof. Has it been easy? Have there been difficulties? Has it hampered needs I have? All of that. Does anyone in life with their work not have any of that? My way has worked for me. At this point in the journey yet another transition may happen but that is not right now in this moment.
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August 14, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
Online I asked people for contribution to get more ice pops for the streets and a few gallons of gas to do the work. Six people contributed $130 and that is enough. Then another person who I have known from the start who also serves "formally" on the streets, online they offered a hundred if I could meet with them while doing one of their street servings saying my contribution links did not work. (they do work) So I went to meet up with them without the Traveling Piano truck because it is too hot and they gave me a gift card to use. I asked how much was on the card and they said about $150. I mentioned how this was the first time in all these years (almost ten) they made a contribution, how much I appreciate it and now I can give back to them with my own resources. I have said countless times when it comes to my work I only give to givers. They said the money is available as they are now a charity non-profit and can do it. That made me wonder because I know they have been a non-profit all along. I thought about how in the past, offers have been made but always as in exchange as in payment in creating music at their food servings... in an unsaid kind of way. That has never been how I work and has been very clear.
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August 13, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I will always be amazed at how blind people can be when it comes to giving. They cannot see how their giving comes back to them. It is not usually in conventional ways. This blog is full of how my giving has panned out over time. If my way of giving was not worth doing I would never have been doing it for this long. And, I have communicated over and over... if someone sent me a simple $25 as a contribution which in reality is just a drop in the bucket concerning paying and bills, I would offer my work to them over and over freely as I do in gratitude for the giving no matter how little. People who are not givers, I can say how I work to their face, my conditions and they will not get the message and even refuse it. Exchange, owe, obligation, expectation, self-agenda, "using" it is stuff like that needed for motivation with most people. Perspective is everything. There are many reasons people give or do not give. With over seventy years of experience on the matter, with interest and a lot of self introspection, I have a feel for most of the ways and whys of giving in the world.
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August 12, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I've started a food bank for my apartment complex. Each day I take some food down from my closet to setup on a table I have. It is too hot to take food out to the streets for me. Adjusting to physical limitations is a huge challenge for me. The temps are up to 110º and more again every day. My days of heavy cooking and taking seven gallon pots of food to the streets are over. I no longer have the strength. I've a lot of food fixings for soups, sandwiches, pasta fixings, canned meat, etc... it all needs to go. Even the food I have stashed for my own food insecurity issues needs to go. I've had life long food insecurity issues along with everything else even though there is no need to have that problem. Sometimes I think how my neighbors can fend for themselves. In reality that is not always true and for countless reasons. What I share does not need to go to the worst of the worst. Everyone needs to feel a lift, security in any way possible and some care everyday no matter how that may manifest. |
August 11, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
The idea I gave myself in having "a measure of success" with everything in my life and never a total success is just nothing more than perspective. When I dissect everything and especially compare it to others yes, I always achieve nothing more than a measure of success This is how life can feel for me. I've had a measure of success with everything I've done. But, if I look at the whole picture, my entire life, what I have accomplished and my individual process of manifestation and creativity... it has been a total success. It has been totally unique in a way. When I compare it to others it is nothing of worth. Especially when I see what other artists in every genre have accomplished. But I also know they did that along with many, many others along the way. Connecting with others to work with them, I've not had very much success long term. But... maybe that is just not my life or meant to be for my life. Does my life need to work the way other people's lives work? Must I be successful in the ways I see in others? Not really.
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August 10, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I worked with small step goals concerning the Traveling Piano Art Gallery this time around. In knowing the situation might not work out I set them up as simple as possible. I first wanted to use the space I was given in order to file every photo piece I had, know how many photos of each image I had and how many were framed. The second step was to create panels for the display wall and fill them with photos and to create separate files to be able to find and sell the photos quickly. The photos filed and placed were separated into color, types, textures, perspectives, the good ones verses the ones not printed very well and the photos to be displayed in store verses online. They were placed with creative thought on about twenty large art frames with fifteen to twenty photos on each frame. Two large informational frames were created to explain everything about the Traveling Piano as the centerpiece. All frames were strategically placed on a wall. Product was stored in labeled cases and boxes. I had banners for outside and large sidewalk signs I had accumulated over the years.
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August 9, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I want to call the last attempt at a Traveling Piano Photo Gallery, the final setup and I left it all behind. But now, I am having second thoughts about just having just walked away from everything not that I want to create another gallery. It is just that I have in a sense thrown away all the work. I left it all behind at the end of last month because the person giving me the space to use, although I knew I was dealing with addiction and major dysfunction, I wanted to trust that I could make it work out and also hopefully be helpful and be nurturing with a friendship in the process. Well, it became so toxic that I just had to leave it all... again. It did not work out the first time several years ago. I knew better but tried again anyway. My attempt came from neediness no matter how I tried to rationalize in ways. Working with someone in active addiction never, and I mean never... works out. I take total responsibility. Now, everything is just sitting in the store to be thrown away as I just can no longer deal with storing and working with it all. It has been almost ten years I've been trying to create success with a working and functional gallery. I've had a measure of success several times. That feels like my life. I've had "a measure" of success with everything I've done.
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August 8, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
Continuing this journey into the future, my work with the Traveling Piano, I'm pretty sure I can make it to the 40th anniverasry which would be 2027 but to continue in any satisfactory way for myself I need to begin making money again. I need to feel worthwhile from what makes me feel worthwhile. I need the tools I need to work with. My strength and the fact that the truck and equipment is so beat makes for no fun. I cannot give to people what I do not feel for myself. The enthusiasm of sounding good musically and with any ease, full of energy and sitting on the piano stool in the truck feels like I am dressed to perform like someone who lives on the streets and has not had a change in clothes for a month. I do not feel fresh and clean being on the truck because the truck is not fresh and clean. Creating music on crappy equipment, just no. It does not matter what others think. I must be having fun myself to give that to other people.
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August 7, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I've lost about 25% of my physical strength since Mo passed. There was the lack of being able to exercise as in take walks with him and then the ligament I torn in my leg. I think I was holding on to strength in order to take care of Mo but I pushed myself too hard in trying to carry him. Thus, the ligament tear. Now in my seventies I need to keep a constant reality check that age is taking its toll on what I used to be able to accomplish or how much. The journey, creating music and interacting with people has always been physical. I must transform once again with this journey but have no clue to how or what. I do not think it is possible to totally leave it as my commitment to everything it stands for and the fact that well, to say there is nothing else I can think of doing or want to do is just being cowardly. To continue as I have been doing I need help but I am so worn from asking for help. It is like when I became worn from what it took to book gigs twenty years ago. it feels like I am done with it all.
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August 6, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I've been with just myself in life, a half year was the longest stretch. There have been many relationships but not where I was able to feel total trust or where any trust lasted. My parents were my original rock of trust in life and Traveling Piano Dog Boner came into my life right before my dad passed. My mom had passed twelve years before. Bo and I grew to totally trust each other. When Bo passed it was less than six months before Mo came into my life. Those six months were like it is now. With Mo now gone, there could not have been a stronger rock for me in life as in feeling grounded and safe. Mo was pure love and security for me. There is zero chance of another dog coming into my life for several reasons. And as relationships with people fail again and again well, I see no light at the end of the tunnel concerning a decent rock like relationship on any level with another person. Also, I'm realizing that I am not good at being social. At the same time I do structured groups well and I am fantastic when the center of attention as with the music on the Traveling Piano or in giving all my attention to others with compassion and empathy. But to just hang out and have fun informally with a group or a friend, I'm not good at that. I do have friends as close as it can get. We hang out on the phone when they are around but they are not a rock as in my parents and my pups who I could depend on always being present with me. |
August 5, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I must not look back on my desicion to walk away from the Traveling Piano Photo Art Gallery. It was not easy to do... at all. I will be processing it mentally, emotionally and in every other way for a while. Aside from the personal issues surrounding it all, I knew that when the gallery took off it would consume my life and journey, take me away from the music. And there would be no one to help me run the management, replenishment of stock, framing, etc... The music is still my priority even though I flirt with other options for my life right now. I let go of all the product. A huge part of me wanted to give it all away one by one with a personal gesture from the truck when I interact with people. I did that with more than a thousand music cd's, cassettes and Raggin' Piano Boogie posters left over from my performance career with the truck in the beginning. And also basically with everything I owed, which was significant. There is just no space to store all the photos and that was the bottom line. I was not willing to clutter what small space I have with more clutter at this point. In the beginning I ended up trashing some really valuable furniture and belongings as there was actually too much to give away. It would have taken another year. So it is now with the photos.
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August 4, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
Politics, creating awareness, taking a stand as in speaking up in public forums, I must let go of all that and allow the torch to be kept alive by others if possible. I give it all up to God, ask God to direct our thoughts, have trust and faith that all is ok and will carry on with or without me through time and reality. Sometimes that comes across to me as giving up, that I must fight for myself and others until the very last moment of my life as in fight the evils I see in society. I've come to accept that there is disease that exists in the human mind in the worst of ways. Evil is a word that can be used to describe it. Evil can infect and destroy spirit through the mind here on earth just as spirit manifests through the mind. AI is an evil. I've said it since it was first taken over for the sake of profit. It is infecting the human mind. I believe spirit works through both our minds and our feelings. |
August 3, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaIn the beginning of this journey and throughout, so many happenings, crazy synchronistic and spontaneous moments, miraculous and astonishing unexplainable life events have manifested. That still happens all the time but now, everything is more about life and death than for me, so it seems. Mo passing... everyday I think of how he never in a million years could have lived through this heat. Just in the fact that I would not have the strength to carry him across my walk way and then up and down the steps to go to the bathroom. The ground would be impossible for him to walk on even a few steps as the temperature of cement can be more than 170º right now. Also with his physical body, it just became unusable naturally, with age. His spirit was alive and intact and he still had mindfulness in spirit until his last moment but, he had to go. I have a tendency to say it was just the two of us through that letting go process with no help or support but in reality, I had someone to help setup and pay for the vet and his cremation. As I walked out of the crematory a friend randomly appeared who knew nothing about what was going on and I had help getting through the rest of the day. But most of all I had a surreal sense of serenity and clarity to do what had to be done with strength, courage and mindfulness throughout the entire time. As I walked away from Mo's body for the last time I tripped and fell on the ground. For me that was obviously an act of "i'm done I can now collapse." I had finished that process though the complete assistance needed from God as I understand God and time to move into the next stage of life. |
August 2, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I am in a process of letting go of life while at the same time living life that exists to the best of my ability. Actually, we are taking in life and letting go of life all the time. What I take in and let go of concerning my age specifically is what I am dealing with now. God, as I understand God is helping to move me along. Most of it is subconscious. I realize the facts of God in my life after the fact. I live with trust and faith that I am with God manifesting my life in the present moment. The tricky part about is in knowing, deciding and being honest with myself about what still is possible for me concerning this Traveling Piano Journey. We are all striving whether we realize it or not. Live cannot exist without striving as in working to achieve goals. |
August 1, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada
I went out in 122º heat today. The vehicle I am using has air-conditioning that cools the air to a tolerable temperature. I have ice pops to give out to people on the streets. I see no one out and about helping people on the streets because it is too hot for people. When there is no one else, that is when i feel the most purpose. During covid, I was the only one out sharing food, water and resources like socks and blankets. The ice pops are perfect. I freeze a bunch at night and take them out in a cooler bag with a chunk of ice. They are fun, something to have with flavor, cooling, hydrating and when they are given to a few people at the same time it becomes a communal experience to all share together. I can't do it for the same people everyday else they look for me and begin to depend on my coming around to help. That would be too much pressure for me these days and I do not feel safe enough physically everyday to be out in the heat as an old man now. |