Raggin' Piano Boogie

HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010

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April 09, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

I am very shaky, my chest is tight. I meditated, prayed and took a walk while being able to move very slowly. I stopped to tell some people about Mo's passing. Several opportunities appeared to sell some photos and new ornaments that I've begun to make. I am aware of being alone. Wish I was well enough to play some music. The day is too hot and I am emotionally too weak. It feels like Mo was never here, that he never existed while I spend time emotionally in denial.

It turns dark and I feel panic and fear. It is too late to call anyone I know. This is when I would always go to hug and hold Mo, make him happy with a massage and good head rub. He was always here, present. I am exhausted from using facebook to stay connected with life. I am eating Mo's pre-prepared frozen food of fresh chicken, rice and string beans. The food is good, I feel awful eating it. In reality it doesn't taste good but I want it to.

I can't pretend Mo is here with me on the bed where he has spent all his time when we are home together. But, at the same time I cannot realize in reality that he is not here. I do feel my empty room. It becomes late night. Time to take Mo out for a walk has we do every night. No more of walks for Mo. I watch some tv for distraction. The show ends and a I say out loud, I miss you Mo. I miss you Mo. Without crying, my eyes fill with tears. I guess I'm doing good, it has only been twenty four hours. God, help me please.

April 08, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

April 07, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

Mo is my existence today, nothing more. We lay looking out the door and window with little thought together. I began dumping photos of him onto facebook with different people holding and giving him attention through the years, about 200 that no one has ever seen. Caring for Mo is becoming increasingly difficult in the small space we live. I am not going to put him on the floor, he has always been on the bed but cannot hold down food, water goes right through him, poop is so messy, the bed is covered in plastic and pads. Once it gets dark anxiety enters for both of us as his pain increases. Pain medicine is no longer helping. He is still loving me and shows it. He licks my hand and cuddles deep as always and still enjoys the attention I give him in rubbing his eye, behind his ears, his rump, he likes me to poke my finger into his ears. That comes from another dog when he was young who used to incessantly lick inside them while he could not help but love it and not like the intrusion at the same time, lol.

April 06, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

In some moments I can't believe Mo is leaving. He has been my security blanket and is fading away. He has stopped eating, is drinking less and less and he can no longer hold himself up to pee. Although, he still licks my hand, responds positively to ear and back rubs, has yawned and drinks and looks at me with true love and enjoys cuddling more than ever. I will always be amazed at how tender he is as a dog, I've never experienced such tenderness before. He has little pain as he is on pain meds. I turn him from side to side every few hours as he looks out into the beautiful sunny days to enjoy. I've been using puppy pads for the bed. Did you know they are not pee proof? Ugh.

People from all walks of life have asked to have their photo taken with Mo through the years. People from all over the USA including Alaska and also in Canada. Mo has given enormous comfort, joy, respect and friendship to thousands of people especially those dealing with tragedy. This includes many mass gun murders. For example in Sandy Hook CT, Uvalde TX and in communities after the Joplin, MO tornado and Hurricane Sandy NY and NJ. We have spent time in communities ravaged by fire in California and Mo's presence in homeless communities nationwide has been as significant as it can get.

April 05, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

I'm sure I wrote this in pieces throughout the journey but I want to do it again fully before Mo passes as once he goes I'll probably work towards moving on myself.

All I ever wanted in life was to have a puppy dog, since age five. He manifested when I was around forty years old after I purchased a home and had a large fenced in yard. I called my pup Boner and used "Bo" for short especially since he began to go with me to performances. Bo in fact ended up on top of the piano on the back of the truck for fifteen and a half years. When he died I was able to let go of him with total gratitude. It was not easy but I had been working on it since two years prior. I had learned that for my entire life, I had been attaching loss, fear and abandonment to my love. It was a practice to detach from all that in order to experience total love in of itself pure and simple.

I held onto Bo's ashes for five months while traveling. I was at a point where I felt I was done with the journey while heading towards Los Angels and suddenly decided to drive up to Glacial Park, Montana. it is a place that had been in my minds eye to visit for twenty five years. While in the park I decided to let go of Bo's ashes. It was the most beautiful and spiritual place I'd ever been on earth. Bo's ashes and a few token belongings were buried in the ground under a most beautiful rock. After returning to town I found out one of the street dogs had pups. A yearning from deep within, it was intense to want one but it was not possible as I was leaving the next day for Canada. When going through customs in Canada the next day I ran into complications. They would not let me in and said I needed to get my truck registration and license renewed. I knew in that moment that something was happening, no clue as to what but I needed to get back to Philadelphia as fast as possible.

I drove 17 hours the first day but oddly enough while driving through rural North Dakota, on the interstate, in the middle of no where, I saw a sign for a dog pound. It felt very odd and I had never been to a dog pound. I drove a mile off the road to the place and ended up taking an old dog for a walk. I talked to the dog for a short while discussing our predicaments in life and then took off to continue driving. Once I reached West Virginia, I was about to pass by a home base that I had. It was in a rural area, Berkeley Springs. My thoughts turned to the idea that I wanted the last people to have seen me with Bo to be the first to see me without. This was on a Friday night when an AA campfire meeting was about to happen and I was synchronistically passing by at the exact meeting time. After the meeting with friends, a stranger who knew nothing about me or my journey came up to say she had a dog for me. I said thanks but I live on the road and I've had my life dog it would not be possible. She said her daughter purchased a dog from a pet store two weeks after having a baby and cannot handle it. The dog is in her back yard getting tortured and chewed up by her husbands yard dogs and she cannot bring it into the house because of her dog. Then she said the dogs name is Mo. What is happening here is meant to be from God, she said. I always push back against that kind of talk, lol but...

Anyway, I laughed and said no it isn't, his name is not Mo as I thought from Bo? She said it is on his papers and she can show it to me. So, I went to meet the family in the sprit of the Traveling Piano's musical fun, friendship and respect. We all went out to the backyard where Mo was in a fenced area running around playful and wild. I opened the fence enough for him to escape and he ran a full half mile away and then back, landing on my leg where he peed on me. I broke my hand over slapping Bo onto my cement ground because of pee issues way back. That was when I learned how to respect a dog and our relationship bonded in the best of ways until his dying breath. This time around with Mo, I instinctively laughed while thinking, "look how much you have grown up." It was no big thing now.

I left for the day and went back the next day to take him out into the woods. Just Mo and I with the Traveling Piano truck. I put him on the top of the piano and then showed him how to get down and then get back up. I thought there is no way he is going to be able to jump up. A friend said, he will jump up. The next day as small as he was, he jumped up into the truck and onto the piano. All I had to do was show him that first time. Then I thought what if he is too big for the piano. He turned out the perfect size with almost the same colors as Bo. I thought, what am I going to do concerning motel stays. He instantly learned to stay very quiet when I snuck him into a room and from day one. I took him outside and said Mo go pee. He did. I said Mo go shit. He did. And, he responded to the commands every day forward when needed.

I remember his energy was through the roof. He never stopped moving. We practiced being together. I had to remove his stitches that were still in him from being neutered and I was totally nervous and fearful to do it. He froze through the entire process until I successfully was finished. It felt like a miracle. I think that came from the trauma of abuse when his tail was cut off without anesthesia for cosmetic reasons. He was freezing in fear. Also when we were in public and he needed to calm down I would pick him up and hold him from under his front legs. He would again freeze. I would wait about sixty seconds and when I put him down he would be totally calm. His worse of abuses had turned into his greatest assets.

I would watch Mo play on the floor and distinctly witness his spirit exploring his new body while loving it, twisting and flopping and turning and stretching... it was amazing. Through the first few years I could see him literally fighting his natural instincts as a dog in order to behave and fit into a domesticated life. As a result, one of my priorities in having stewardship of Mo was to allow opportunity and space for Mo to be and act like a dog in a dogs world. Mo was a dog's, dog. He loved to play with other dogs and knew when to leave the bad ones alone. For Mo, play was a demand and worth more than life itself.

Mo has had three modes of operation. Free and loose playtime, work time on the truck and service dog time when in public. He never used a leash his entire life until he got old. Only during his last two years did he use a leash. He would come over to me to say, "put it on I do not feel secure without it." I have always told people that Mo has no obedience. If I demand he do something, never in his life, he just can't. He has always had to think for himself and decide. So I had to learn to anticipate what was needed and say it in a happy playful way and be willing to wait "beat, two, three four" ...until he decides to comply and he "always" has every single time. Mo has been empowered to be the best dog possible. He was never ever "trained" in any way.

Two years into our relationship I happened to look at his papers to see that he was born three days after Bo died. I thought, "how could I have not seen that before?" Bo came back and was in gestation for me during the first five months until I complexity let go of his ashes. In that moment I became propelled through circumstance to drive cross country as fast as possible to rendezvous with Mo. The idea of reincarnation is not something I have ever romanticized or would want to. It just is what it is. Without question through time I have come to know beyond a question of doubt that Bo came back to me as a new distinct spirit named Mo. They are both one and the same. Mo and I have been together for twenty four hours a day for over sixteen years now. There was one week in all that time where he stayed with friends. Other than that, we have been completely together. My favorite time with Mo other than exploring nature together on hikes has been to hang out and watch a movie by ourselves with no other people in a theatre. We would take the handicap recliners in the last row. No kidding, Mo has watched up to 70% of a movie, interested.

Mo is the cumulation of all the love I've ever received in life. I have had over thirty years of intense, consistent, loving, respectful companionship with the pup of my dreams, the pup I desired since age five. I now know I came to earth to have friendship, a relationship with a dog. Actually it has been a partnership. With Mo, I came to accept that he has been with me to serve me first and foremost. As I result I have equally been able to serve him through gratitude. It brings to mind my favorite quote from Moulin Rouge! "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." Mo has never known any experience other than love. And, I have learned that love never dies... it transforms. What a gift to have been given in life my most basic dream and to have it manifest two times. Now at seventy years of age I can say I am done. Life circumstance will not allow for a third dog nor is it necessary, nor should I expect it on any level. I never in a million years would have expected Mo in my life. It has been said to let love find you. Well, Mo most certainly did that for me.

April 04, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

My ability to carry Mo up and down stairs with my entire skeletal frame in pain from suppressed anxiety concerning Mo, it sometimes feels impossible. Well, another neighbor has offered to help when he is around for when I just can't do it. He helped today. This is just another example of how God puts people in my life when needed to help us keep going. Never in a million years would I have asked him, we know each other but have rarely interacted. Then a situation happened where he needed my gate key yesterday, that turned into talk about Mo, his offering to help and there we have it. Mo's weak today but I did get him out to lay on the sidewalk in this beautiful weather if only for fifteen minutes. I also brushed him, something that is always enjoyed. He seems to be able to eat better out of my hand a little bit at a time. Everything else except for Mo has stopped in life because that is the way I want it to me. 100% of my time I want to spend enjoying his life here with me. The days are fine. It is when nighttime comes around that my mind wants to take a dark turn. Nothing will keep me from enjoying every last morsel of my life's dream to have a dog in my life. He is right here in front of me to enjoy right now. I want to keep him out of pain and that seems to be working.

April 03, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

What is quality of life? You cannot judge what the quality of life is for someone else. They alone get to say what it is for themselves. You can judge the quality of life for yourself and compare according to your standards or the standards taught to you by others but the reality is that different for each individual person as people have different standards at any given time. Mo's quality of life without question changed this week. He can no longer use his legs because the back ones are shot. His strength is declining and abilities for everything are slowing up. Through the acceptance of what is and where he is at, we are both adjusting and enjoying the quality of life that exists in the present moment with each other and without comparison. He has pain. I have pain. That did not stop us from thoroughly enjoying the day with a walk using his wagon. He got to interact with people, see his usual walking route, feel a delicious breeze, the sun, clean air and... he absolutely loved it. No one called to see how we are doing today. Kinda strange but I've no problem with it as a reminder that I am alone unless I reach out to others. Thats the story of my life. I can run off at least 20 reasons why different people did not call but the fact remains... in reality, I am on my own. This is not the first go around for my life in a challenging mode with no one around to offer support or help with consistent presence. This may sound totally cliche but, I do have support and help in every moment consistently inside the spiritual realm through the God of my understanding. My friend Eric sent me a text after I wrote this. It is a reminder that feelings are not always facts.

April 02, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

Here are two photos of Mo when I woke up. One is a smile, the other his grin while lovin' me. His eyes are more in the back of his head these days then not, but I got a photo with his eyes looking. The other photo is of his resting yesterday.

My friend Amanda is trying to get clean and sober. She told me she has a problem believing in a higher power, the "God" thing. It is an essential tool for most everyone in order to stay clean. Well, I've been practicing with that for my entire life. Last night while trying to carry Mo out to pee and shit, I came to the acceptance that I can no longer carry him. This is a problem because I need to walk him down the apartment deck corridor and then down a flight of stairs and then out onto the side walk... and then back up. Each time I could feel it more difficult. My back and legs are caving in more each time and last night I could feel my strength just give way on top of the back issue. When Mo was sick and almost died a few years ago I was given a firewood carry bag to use if needed. It sat in the same spot in my bathroom since then driving me crazy as to what to do with it. I went to get it and it was not there. Damm! That also drives me crazy because I live in a small packed space full of my needs where I must file everything and use the file to find anything. The carry bag was not in the files. Double damm! I put a lot of work into filing. I looked everywhere and then realized its probably packed deep in my storage unit about a quarter mile away.

Then, I sent up a prayer to St. Anthony. I have a life long amazing history of his helping me find things and it always works when I am truly able to give the search up to God as a higher power... through St. Anthony. I prayed saying to Mo that we are going to work this problem out and deal with it and God please help us find the carry bag and a solution. I tried holding Mo over the toilet and standing him in the tub but he could not relieve himself that way. Before bed I went online to purchase another cheap bag knowing it will take at least four or five days to get here. Hope for longevity? Mo's going to still be alive in another week? I have settled into acceptance of being in the moment with him. No longer am I thinking that he is dying as a front and center in all thoughts and being with him at the same time. It is now about dealing with how to make him comfortable and to keep going myself while he is still alive. This is intense and draining work.

The day was good because I spent an hour, two separate times in prayer and meditation to stay conscious in knowing with gratitude about the God of my understanding and asking God to direct "our" thoughts. When nighttime came, fear and all the crap began to take hold. I began to have no control over it and so I did as I have practiced and what I learned to do to stay sober from the start. I called someone. Annette who helps me with Mo and has an animal rescue, she was preoccupied with their own shit and could not deal with me and cut me off abruptly. I called my friend Jeff. We have been partners in sobriety for almost twenty years. He was at the AA meeting where Mo came into my life in West Virginia. It looked like he was not going to answer so I hung up and then called Amanda because I know that reaching out to help someone else will help myself. She is also involved with agreeing to drive me with Mo's body to a crematorium.

I was about to hang up with Amanda and saw Jeff calling and switched over. By the time I was finished talking I felt better and able to cope again. That is God working in my life. The ability to keep reaching out until i found someone to talk with after failing on the first two tries, that drive, ability to keep going I call that... the grace of God. Before falling to sleep I thought, "there are still two more spots to look where that carry bag might be. I woke up and immediately looked behind the bed and under the bed. (its packed with a lot of stuff under there) No luck and then I thought to look in a drawer under the bed and... nope but, I moved an object and there it was. In my state of mind last night, full of fear, confusion, angst and desperation there would be no chance of my having the clarity to take that last one more time step to see or find that bag where it was.

My impulsive thought... thank God. All good in life I attribute to the God of my understanding. All that happens unseen and for the good that reveals itself after the fact, I look back and attribute that to the God of my understanding. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ as I do St. Anthony and others who have passed in my life. How I relate and why and on what level is personal and no body's fucking business. Lol, I say it that was because of all the Evangelical fake Christians out there trying to shove their shit down everyone's throat and using false bible interpretations to do it. Those people are destroying the world right now by trying to take over politics. Mo is reminding me how to just "be." I sit with him doing nothing but giving him my attention through love and can feel myself uncomfortable, like I am holding myself back from doing something else, multi tasking or whatever. Just "be" with Mo and nothing else, Danny.

April 01, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

At first, I was not going to post anything about Mo's situation on facebook because I did not want to deal with other people's sadness, advice and people trying to connect through their own experiences of sadness. But, there are friends that have strong feelings for both Mo and I and they are just not going to come to this website. Mo has been part of everyone's lives along with myself and the Traveling Piano. I know everyone is doing the best that they can. So I decided to share the process on fb as well as here. I've shared photos in the past of Mo's resting and so is one right now today. He is peaceful, drank water for the 1st time in 24 hours today, still needs to eat, scratched the bed last night to tell me he had to pee, pooped the bed last night thank God for the pads a friend gave me. There is no return here to a better life, he is leaving us for sure.

Mo may lose his ability or interest in eating or drinking but as long as he still can feel and enjoy my rubbing behind his ears or scratching his back and responds to that, he will stay alive on my watch. I know joy and love can be felt through pain. This is how life is in spirit. I observe Mo's facial expressions. Mo has a grin that he gives to me in times of my worry and uncertainty. He managed a grin for me yesterday and five minutes later gave me one of his "simple and short licks" on my hand. This is clear message for me that everything is OK from his end. I want to enjoy every last moment of holding him. The only reason I have ever wanted to do anything in life for the last sixteen years is because Mo has been with me. He has been my inspiration, courage, validation, reassurance and constant companion. We are soul mates without question.

Now is the time where I must walk the walk and accept that love never dies. (his or mine) Love transforms. It could not be more clear how and why Mo came back into my life this time around. That is a story in of itself and I must remember it and act through it to help me move forward. Mo is proof that everything is ok for all of us. The question is whether we willingly accept fact, or not. I want to accept and embrace this truth in spirit. It takes in any given moment, one minute at a time to hold onto the truth with trust. Thank God for my friends and those connected to us and my ability to reach out for support and for friends who just "be" with me in the process and nothing more. All the comments have been so overwhelmingly helpful. Not easy to say but so necessary. Thank you all.

March 31, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

Writing is one major therapeutic tool. It helps to focus thoughts and bring clarity in mind. It gives comfort, security and relief through creation and a depth of worth for personal feeling and expression. Life is all about Mo for now. I was going through choosing photos of the past to post here with all this writing. I became overwhelmed with pain in nostalgia. My life's joy has been found first and foremost through the enjoyment I've been able to give to Mo and that we shared "together." I had to stop searching through photos. So here are the ones until I had to stop myself. Now is not the time to wallow in a "wanting" space of our past life together well lived.

Mo is feeling a little more comfortable today than yesterday. He is still slipping away but has eaten, drank some water, peed and shit as he experiences our togetherness in this physical world and the love that is. He is still dreaming in his sleep. He can lift his head for a short amount of time. I am sure he has had a cancer of some sort for a long time now, along with his back leg joints no longer usable. I am not a fan of euthanasia although I can accept that it is the solution some times and is very personal... not to be judged as better or worse, good or bad for other people. I was looking on the internet for natural ways I can do it by myself for Mo. Most all of any information other than vet approved info has been removed from the internet as the vet industry creates itself as the only option of course, so they can profit off it. The vet industry is NOT the only humane and viable option.

Anyway, my mind shifts about it constantly. My mind shifted to thinking in terms of spirit. That is where I want to reside. I want to remember that I am dealing with spirit in body in order to know what Mo wants and not what other people or the internet tell me, or from my own limitations to handle everything when it feels like I no longer can take it. Spirit flows through all life as one energy and information source and at the same time. Living in the truth of spirit is a beautiful thing. Life is a gift as in the "present" moment and still has worth in a state of pain. Whatever Mo is going through, he still gives me a grin, one small lap with his tongue on my hand, wants to experience our togetherness in physical form, still enjoys the instinct to eat and drink water when he can, stand, breath, take a step, relieve himself through pooping and peeing, he enjoys the feeling of accomplishment no matter how minute.

As he does these things in fluctuation now, my job is to not to use hope wrongfully with the idea that everything is going to return to normal for any amount of time. There is no such thing as "normal" in reality as it flows. I want with every opportunity to settle into relief when i see something positive with him that runs to recovery. When I do that, this is when the situation becomes all about me. Illusion, delusion and denial enter to create a mind of chaotic back and forth. My goal is to live in a state of observation and patience so I can act accordingly when needed while at the same time enjoying reality for what it is in the moment.

March 30, 2026

Las Vegas, Nevada

Mo is getting ready to leave this life. I feel for his loss. My pup never missed a moment of enjoying life. It was his priority from day one. He demanded his fun, enjoyment, connections and play. I write this as he lays peacefully next to me. He has reached a turning point where he is now just giving up. There is no pain, the energy is simply draining from him. If he doesn't eat today or tomorrow, the next day I will know to help him leave us all. Please pray for our acceptance, courage, clarity, strength, love, wisdom and knowing that all is good. We are being gifted with a smooth transition. Mo and me, our personal relationship together could not be more complete. Through and with the grace of the God of my understanding, my choice will be to choose life going forward with love and gratitude for you, my friends and all of humanity. My plan is to continue working to enjoy life as Mo has and to experience all that life can offer.