Raggin' Piano Boogie
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Since 1987 |
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May 10, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaSomeone suggested I write a book and use the AI program Claude to help get content in book format as everyone is talking about it and beginning to use it. My reply: I often think about a book and publishing, etc... It is a lot of work and I do not have the funds to keep doing what I do and also write a book at the moment. Just the time it takes for blog posts, everyday slips as I get older. Also, I am Anti-AI through and through. Claude is a tool that is through, fast, interesting (at this stage of the game) and even fun but it also gentrifies the human minds nature and cannot replicate my individual creativity and nuance in spirit as an artist. I have even had responses to Mo’s death written by AI sent to me. Although they are beautiful, they are also like well written in detail, greeting/sympathy cards. I knew they were AI because they were so similar in personality and squeaky clean perfect. Different words from different people, but the sentiment was not real. I could feel that. And, I will never allow AI to dictate my feelings. Personally, I will always enjoy the ultimate, artist friction and imperfections in manifestation within the ground work of the human minds growth verses machine. AI is stealing our minds, body and souls in every way. At the same time it is beginning to control humanity for the sake of a few and for profit, nothing more. All the good you hear is propaganda for marketing. Even the name Claude is an attempt to humanize an inhuman machine. Of course there is good in everything but we are not dealing with choice in good or bad or anything in-between when it comes to artificial intelligence. AI is removing choice from the human mind with the illusion of better than. Faster and faster with immediate gratification has been making life unheathy for all of us. Now, even spiritualists are beginning to embrace AI. While I still have personal emotion and strength, I choose the organic, the earthly real world in every way. That will always hold my total love and I will dance with the devil only when spirit leads the way. Although the natural way may take four times longer, maybe I will invent a new book format through that process! |
May 09, 2026Las Vegas, Nevada |
May 08, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaMo and I made the absolute best of our partnership. We had it all. We did it all. There was not one moment where he was not present, where my mind was so consumed he was not there. There was never a moment where I did not have time or want to deal with him. We were apart for one week only in sixteen years. If it was not possible for him to be by my side when doing something, I did not do it. Mo almost always went into stores with me but when it was only for a few minutes I never had to be concerned that he would jump out the window. One of my most favorite times with Mo was to experience his joy in my return to the truck, every time. It was beyond joy a sort of wonder and amazement was included. Mo was my life dream, everything I ever wanted, I've wanted nothing else in life but to have the perfect relationship I had with him. He was without question the continuation of Bo. Now, my goal is to live in grateful appreciation and joy for all of that and move through the rest of my life fueled by the love we created together. |
May 7, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaThe one month anniversary of Mo's death is tomorrow and it weighs heavy on my soul. I've never been one to remember the day anyone has died in my life not even Boner. But, for some reason, I have a feeling I will never forget Mo's date. Maybe it is because his birthday means so much to me. I hope I can eventually let go of him completely and just live in the gratitude and joy of our life together. Going for a hike in nature without him might be the most difficult thing to do out of everything. It does not feel possible right now. I may save the first time for hiking to bury his ashes in the desert. I have had the spot in my minds eye since I first arrived in Las Vegas. It is in the Valley of Fire. It will be like going through his death for a second time. Just me and Mo. I let go of his body and when it is time to let go of his ashes it will symbolize my letting go of holding onto Mo in spirit. He will become a free spirit once again still in my life just not physically. |
May 6, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaI understand how people can take only so much of me or only in small chucks of time. My intensity and deep passionate nature has always been through the roof. That has never been a problem with Boner or Mo. Both dogs helped me with my uncontrollable desire to express my love and appreciation for not only them but for life. Whenever I was with Mo, just the two of us and I was fawning over him to the point that he could not take it always... he would turn the intense energy I was throwing his way into play. I loved and appreciated that about both Mo and Bo. They set the boundaries and limits of what they could take and knew how to adjust and direct my overbearing joy in being with them. Mo turned everything into play whenever possible. Whenever I got into my head and my energy became very dark Mo was right there to save my ass. |
May 5, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaAs long as Mo was giving and receiving love, as long as he still ate, drank water, peed and shit, as long as my rubbing behind his ears and scratching his butt was an enjoyment and felt good for him and he was able to respond, as long as he was able to experience a moment in a positive way... to put him down because he was also in pain would have been a selfish move for me to do. I know that joy and love can be experienced and felt through pain. It was a decision I worked through for a twenty four hour period. It became first about my ability to help keep his body functioning. Then it came to a point where my lack of ability was about to make the situation worse for him. And, his pain killers were no longer working at night. Another night would have been unfair for him and I knew we were at the point of no return. He would not have lasted a few more days. As I held him in my arms at the last moment I had brought some pieces of steak and water for him to the hospital. He surprising gobbled down the steak like he was starving. I knew he was starving because he could not hold anything down and ate very little for the previous few days. But he could not eat before. I thought, was I starving him? And then he drank all of the water, a significant amount. I thought, "is he trying to please me so he won't be put down?" These are torturous thoughts. And then there is also the memory of my best friend Michael as he was dying. He wanted to enjoy every second of life no matter what and ate a cheesteak painfully slow to watch right before he died. Mo could have very easily have acted in the same mindset. Knowing my life experiences with others and my dog, that was a viable possibility. The bottom line is that he enjoyed eating and drinking water fully before he passed and I felt really good about that. I was able to give him the best that life can offer up until the very last moment. I'm going to go cry now. |
May 4, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaPeople in my neighborhood are acutely aware when they see me of Mo's significance, that he is no longer here. They have never seen me alone without him and there is most certainly no pep in my walk. The condolences people have been sending really help. It is amazing how via email people relay their memories and experiences with Mo and I in details, whereas on social media the comments are much shorter and less personal as is the nature of the animal. When grief hits me, to call anyone on the phone does not help. I mean what is anyone going to say? And, I really have nothing to say and no longer do I feel a need to be with anyone. In fact when I become inundated with grieve I turn to Mo in my mind and enter our privacy together. Just the two of us going through feelings together I mean thats what we did. Our intimacy with feelings could will never be matched in any way and so it is appropriate when I have feelings about Mo now, to just be with him alone in spirit both of us together with our feelings. I feel better when I can do that. I can keep the memory of how good it felt in every way to be just hanging out together with no one else around and no matter how I feel, |
May 3, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaI've been sending personal emails out about Mo. My own email account keeps marking my personal emails as spam and will not send them through. So, I have begun to use Gmail, ugh. When people respond in Gmail, AI is trying to keep the conversation going (it watches everything we do online now) and... it is now trying to formalize personal correspondence by suggesting the words and intent of a personal conversation. It is giving suggestions for how to communicate and what words to use. AI wants to make our relating to each other like sterile greeting cards. People, please do not use AI for your thinking, your thoughts, feeling, comprehension and actions. There is nothing in the world happening now worse than AI taking over our minds because of those allowing that to happen. Those playing around with it for fun in anyway are fools who are getting sucked into it. God, I am so lost without Mo. I still go through the actions of working and living life but there is about as much in it all as there would be if I was living life through AI. The word that comes to mind is hollow. |
May 2, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaI could fairly easily block out that Mo ever existed in my mind. Of course then my grief would come out sideways through time. So, I actively pursue reality with gratitude of course when I can. I remind myself that my life has been completely fulfilled through the relationship I had with Mo. No one can actually know that personal feeling. People can know how others have incredibly close bonds with the animals in their lives. They can witness all aspects of the relating but in actuality only Mo and I know what we had together. Sometimes I call to him out loud or talk to him, tell him how much I miss him out loud. I search my spiritual world to find him hoping for a sign or feeling that he is still here with me in spirit. Of course I know all the blah, blah about that, And I also know its a matter of faith and belief not reality in the real world. Everything I do for the first time without him and that is really everything because I never did anything without him, it feels awlful. |
May 1, 2026Las Vegas, NevadaAge absolutely plays into my learning to live without Mo as death is not far away from me either. That fact does not help inspire me to reach into the future with a new life. Writing sometimes helps. Here is some of that. I have thoughts. They manifest through my mind. Sometimes it feels like I am not in control of them. At times it seems that both good and evil forces and everything in-between take control. I believe thoughts come from a collective human consciousness. I also can manifest my own individual thoughts. I have the ability to choose to participate actively or not in all thoughts collective or individual. A higher power manifests all thought be it collective or individual. I believe that I live in a friendly universe with a loving God. Through gratitude for that, I can sometimes give all thought to the God of my understanding. As in "just give it all up to God." Nothing ever bad has happened when I can do that and in fact I can reach a state of utopia in doing that. There is unconditional love and total trust in doing that. Everything that is going bad and ready to take a turn for the worst, turns out better than I could ever have possibly have imagined when... I can let go of all my thoughts to give over to my higher power. This is the fact of my life. When I feel out of control, if I can remember to remember, I run with trust to unconditional love and ask the higher power to direct my own thoughts and our thoughts as in a collective consciousness. It is a practice that always ebbs and flows in my life. When it comes to grieving thoughts in my mind, I practice to allow the pain and sorrow while wanting to move through to a better place. Sometimes that happens only through the grace of God. Sometimes it happens without my realizing it. I sometimes can feel my being carried through when I cannot carry myself. I felt it through Mo's dying process. And several times over the last few weeks. As I believe that God speaks through other people, I also believe that spirit guides exist and God speaks through them, for my sake. Thank God for my guardian angle(s). When I can remember to desire gratitude, appreciation, security, joy and love, I can then deal with grieving and ask the God of my understanding to direct all thoughts through me. Grieving is a natural part of human existence. It is important and beyond my understanding, a fact of reality. To not grieve is to negate reality. I am here on earth to live in reality. |