HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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May 31, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
The last day of May it is! Life is about keeping perspective. What does that even mean? One day at a time. Turn it over. Give it up to God. All things pass. God Grant Me the Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change, the Courage to Change the Things I can and the Wisdom to Know the Difference. There are many slogans I have learned and have used successfully over the years. They all come into play in different ways at different times. So onward I continue, we continue. Mo and I went out today did some work giving out water, created some music, took a walk... the music must stay front and center with all of life's distractions specifically world wide. I have just a few pictures left from a few months ago, the old days we call it now, pre virus? Remember, when the Traveling Piano was shared without a care on the streets. Since 2006 now! It will happen again, maybe. If not the music will continue in a different way. But... I cannot imagine it not continuing... I will not imagine that. Working with the homeless is exhausting in a hundred degree heat as a not very in shape old man, ha!
May 30, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
It turned into a rough day. After waking up I loaded the truck with gallon containers of water that I had left to give out on the streets and then I did a facebook live with music and spent about a half hour playing for friends on the street in two different locations. There was a protest gathering for the recent cop murder and at the last minute I decided to join it. For the first time I video taped something other than for the Traveling Piano and posted it online. It was important to document what was happening. Crazy, it became the most watched video I've posted ever online, sadly not about the Traveling Piano. Of course the issue of police murdering people has always been a big issue with me throughout the journey.
I've been pounding out the following message for years. There would be a lot less conflict if police everywhere took a public stand concerning these recurring murders. They must begin to call out their own bad, racist and burnt out brothers and sisters. They do not... because they have been indoctrinated in a brother/sisterhood to stand by each other right or wrong. Every cop who says nothing to confront the evil in their own ranks does so as a coward with a lack of strength and character. The are complicit in lawless, criminal acts and need to be taken down a peg or two in order to understand that they do not serve themselves, they serve the public... and they are to serve without violence. If they fear losing their job as a result of standing up for what is right... they are in the wrong job to begin with. I say... Leave It!
The overwhelming majority of protest was peaceful, I'd say over ten thousand people. Any looting and vandalism was a setup. I saw it personally here in Las Vegas. And of course the trouble translates the protest into a riot for most people. The trouble was a distraction from the cause to get people to focus on effect. Stuff can be replaced. Human life cannot. And then the police set off gun pellets and tear gas, arrested innocent journalists without care to make it all worse. And then the Las Vegas Sheriff Lombardo's Police and Cowboy Horse Show, Lasso included on the Las Vegas Strip making a clear statement that does not represent our community at large... at all. Was he sending a message that we are cattle to be taken down or children to be afraid of that? Not gonna work. He had best pull in his feeling of entitlement concerning the reins of our police force here in Las Vegas and everyone had best get straight where the trouble is coming from... right wing people like himself and nationalistic anarchists.
May 29, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
It is difficult to do anything with the temperature at a hundred and ten everyday. It has been at least a hundred almost every day this month! And, there is no end in sight. At night it is in the high ninties. I used to keep my door open with the air conditioner running since I don't pay for it and I'm in a very small room but know more. The heat is too great. We are talking May!!! For the first time I am going to say... global warming is real. When I look back over the last ten years, everything is happening just as science has said. We have now gone over the tipping point. On a good note... I have some good coping tools in my tool chest. For example meditation, it "will" in fact take all of your cares away! Even with all of the worlds noise and chaos in, out and around you... in all the best of ways... your spirit will not be affected. It took me 50 years of trying... and I have officially reached a true state of feeling safe, loved, knowing and joyful in just "being." How long that state of being lasts, depends on many factors. The more I do it on a consistent basis, the longer it lasts. Being in nature, walking, positive experiences have all created states of euphoria and peace for me but meditating in stillness, relaxed with my eyes closed and with intent is unique in of itself. It is the best. I wish it for everyone.
May 28, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Mo and I spent the day discussing all the candidates for our Nevada Federal and State Primaries... Judicial, Reps, etc... Wow, what a vetting process that was! Vote in every election especially the smaller local elections! Vote by mail. And, as it is safe to mail tax refunds, social security checks, stimulus checks, draft registrations, prescriptions drugs, passports, driver's license, the actual ID used to vote... I just want to say that it is safe to vote by mail. I have voted in many elections by mail when out of the country and while traveling through the years. Push for it in November! I renewed my room lease for a year today. Not sure I want to be where I am for another year. It is the best deal for what I can afford and life really is one day at a time now.
May 27, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
We create music on the street whenever possible and I am still giving out bread and water, cases of it, gallon containers and it is really needed. That is what Mo and I did today. It is very frustrating to not be able to share what is so needed in times like now specifically concerning the police murder of George Floyd that is all over the news. But I can share in spirit, locally. The Traveling Piano has been used to support and heal many a community in times of horrendous misfortune such as now in Minneapolis. For those who do not know, the first 10 years of this journey was self-funded through the sale of my home and belongings. Now a benefactor would be needed to continue as I once did. What is happening is reminding me of past police murders where the Traveling Piano was able to create a pro active presence. One time specifically came to mind today when Mo and I traveled to Skid Row in Los Angeles one week to the day, where a cop killed a homeless man known as "Africa" as he tried to climb inside his tent in fear. Spirit led us to the very spot as I had no idea where it was.
There would be a lot less conflict if police everywhere took a public stand concerning these recurring murders. They must begin to call out their own bad, racist and burnt out brothers and sisters. They do not... because they have been indoctrinated in a brother/sisterhood to stand by each other right or wrong. Every cop who says nothing to confront the evil in their own ranks does so as a coward with a lack of strength and character. The are complicit in lawless, criminal acts and need to be taken down a peg or two in order to understand that they do not serve themselves, they serve the public... and they are to serve without violence. If they fear losing their job as a result of standing up for what is right... they are in the wrong job to begin with. I say... Leave It!
May 26, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
The original plan was to stay indoors today ha, stay in my tiny room... because the temperatures are to be a hundred and above all week. What water I have left I wanted to save my energy for a few days now when it would be needed for people on the streets most. But... Max called and he had some bread for me to give out. He also had a convection oven a family member was not using for me! I've been without an oven of any size since I settled here in 2016! Now I can bake a pie, bake anything, something! For years I've been looking for a used one. Hours were spent just trying to figure out a place to put it as there is no room. So now, my fridge is on one side of my bed and the oven on the other in place of night stands, lol. Now, I just need to find some money for food. I don't have it for purchasing baking needs like dough, sugar, cherries for a pie... I reality did not want to go out today but I asked God to lead the way for me today and the message was... go give out bread and water and so that is what we did. I was thinking how in the past I criticized people just giving out bread and nothing better and here I was just giving out bread because thats all I have to give. It is enough, and fresh, and from Panera. The company gives all its bread away not used daily, and Max gets it from them. He and I are one hundred percent opposite politically but we care about people. We need to keep our relating all about caring for people together, and not the other aspects.
May 25, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
When looking at life as an adventure, no fear exists, only seeking and gratitude. What is going to happen next... interest and curiosity, thankfulness for our oneness in spirit. The answer is blowing in the wind. Feel Good! And so that is that. Other than... I must work daily on centering myself, what I am doing, what I want to do, what I am able to do. It is a constant practice and sometimes I am a total failure at staying away from anger and feeling a little jealous that my conscious will not allow me to be a slimy self-centered, entitled user. Lol, as in people who have no respect concerning this virus and caring for others or in convenient denial about it all. I want to go and hang out with people and the Traveling Piano, I want to go sell some photo's on the street, I want to be on the beach for Memorial day but the very people out there are the one's who do not care. In reality, not only do I not want to be around those types, they would be the ones to kill me and I just need to focus on myself. My biggest challenge these days... to forgive myself first and foremost for my own weakness, neediness and self-centered ways.
May 24, 2020
Coyote Canyon Las Vegas, Nevada
In looking at life as an adventure, there can be no fear, only seeking and gratitude. What is going to happen next... interest and curiosity, thankfulness for our oneness in spirit. The answer is blowing in the wind. Feel Good! As it is going to get really hot this week, Mo and I took advantage of being in nature and drove out to Red Rock Canyon for a hike at sunset. We choose a path in an area we never go to because there as so many cars parked there. I had no idea there were so many trails, no worries about running into people. In three hours time there were only a few. There were some awesome new views as well as terrain and this, just across the highway on the other side from where we have gone the last three years! This virus has encouraged a move away from complacency and has created solutions for change. The lighting was perfect for some phenomenal cactus flower pictures!
May 23, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
There is no way to process through or out of this pandemic or the ongoing surrounding politics right now. We are all just in it. Normally there are different stages where we go in and out of whatever situation until we come out on the other side or it just dissipates. But now it is constant, there is no escape. So life is best when I'm not actively thinking about it. I've learned to not get obsessed with news updates. I've realized that they do not help my mental state. They do not make myself or anyone else safer... so I just check out of them completely when possible. We already know a lot of information. None of it is stable, and it is all in a flux of what is what. So now I work to balance between escaping from it all and checking in from time to time to deal with it in different ways. I know that I will be in this state of not knowing until the end of life. It is a good thing. Learning to be creative in the flow of life, in the present moment, in constant new ways... I think that is what life is meant to be about, finding the joy in doing that.
May 22, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I'm keeping everything as easy as possible. In a few days the temperature is forecast to go up to a hundred and ten degrees... in May! Everything is working out as it should be. I should be using the sun cover for the truck at nights. The piano and speaker are taking a killing as well as the wood piano facade and the truck metal itself! I'm glad I have not had to deal with the piano umbrella for the sun and heat at the commitments I had for years. I am so glad I stopped them. They are gone now with as a result of the virus anyway. Enough was enough, time to move on. Everyday I give out some food and water. I'm thinking about saving the rest of the water that I have for when the temperature goes over a hundred. There is always water to be had to give out, don't know why I am thinking that way. I tried wearing my mask while walking. That is no good, I need to breath in fresh and deep when I walk. That just means walking in areas where there are no people. Today was a beautiful day to be outside. It is amazing how one's well being can be so healthy on beautiful days.
May 21, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Some days I just have nothing to say. Today is one of those days. I did nothing, no music, no sharing of food, no going out... of course I'm always taking care of business in someway.
May 20, 2020
Eldorado Canyon, Nevada
Mo and I drove to Eldorado Canyon for the first time since settling in Nevada which was in 2016. The place is an hour south and a little to the east of the city. I was like... finally! We are always going east, west and north to places. It felt a little strange and uneasy to be in a new desert area. I think that may be a sign of getting older. I want to be able to continue leaving my comfort zone and that gets more difficult as one gets older. On the way it was nothing but flat dessert for miles. Then came some mountains, a little settlement named Nelson and then the water of Lake Meade. Mo and I climbed to the bottom and found a perfect spot by the waters edge to sit and relax in nature. There were about ten people on the other side of where we were with ski boats, guns, adults screaming like kids at a playground swimming pools... that was all just, ugh. Thankfully we were able to get away from all that and enjoy the quiet. Every tiny sound bounced off the lake. As the sun set you could hear throughout, the sounds of trillions of little bugs. That was amazing to hear. While climbing back up to the truck after awhile, I laughed at myself moving like an old man to not fall or stumble.
There were three trailers of campers parked and I kept talking to myself while climbing bcak up trying to force myself to want to interact and share the Traveling Piano with them as with others in the old days. Or even play some music for myself, the inspiration is not so strong anymore. (although the need is as strong as ever) The guy at the top of the hill was very respectful and of course interested and that helped to offer some music. There were two couples who were friends and a third older couple. There were in awe and I was so thankful I was able to extend myself. I knew it would be worthwhile all around for everyone including myself. We talked a little and it was all about appreciation and gratitude with a little of my story. It is so difficult for me in not being able to shake their hands, invite them onto the piano seat and to also get pictures for this blog and to share with them. People getting onto the piano to create music for themselves is the largest part of the Traveling Piano experience but I must be consistent with the virus happening and keep at least some boundary and limit as a respectful sign of willingness to myself, others and the Universe that the infection spread must stop.
May 19, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Denise, the owner of Quality Auto Works on Main Street in the Arts District of Downtown Las Vegas, where the Traveling Piano Photo Gallery is... she tuned my truck up today for me... without charge. I think she came into some money and it needed to get done really bad. It has been a year ago this week since we first connected. Since then she has fixed my emergency brake, horn, the air conditioning and a few other things... without charge. And then there is her letting me use her waiting room as an Art Gallery showing right on the Main Street. She appreciates what i do for the community and when she has the money and can make the time, always shares what she has to offer with others. Make no mistake about it she has some dark sides and the people she associates with, some are "real" dark! I have dark sides too. Lol, it can be a challenge for me to keep the light shinning but it is so worth it because I know her true intent which is worthy of lots of respect. I appreciate her help very much.
May 18, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Wow, first I began to lose a sense of time with this journey and since with the Corona Virus, I have begun to lose a sense of days and then weeks and just now, I realized that it is May and not April. The days have been labeled April on this blog page for the last two weeks! I just fixed it all. I'm still doing the Facebook Live video's when I can on the street when no one is around. They are short. I play very little piano these days. The piano is very difficult to play. Some of the notes do not come up when I push them down and they come up at different times. It is random. The action is shot as well as the touch sensitivity. I just keep going. The truck needs a lot of work and I have not purchased new clothing in five years! Funding and costs are still a challenge. I was thinking how I could make a killing on the street right now selling photography and collecting contribution by bonding with all the self-entitled people saying fuck you to isolation or distancing and thinking about the possibility of spreading the disease but... my conscious just will not allow me to do that. DAMM! People are a priority over economic insecurity. Nothing has changed with that... I have years of practice on that matter now. The universe does supply basic needs when living life in gratitude.
May 17, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I got up at three thirty in the afternoon. That is how stressed I was yesterday and physically worn out. I remember feeling my heart stressing in the morning and knew I just needed to lay in my semi state of sleep. It is not like that was difficult to do. Once I got up I went out as soon as possible to finish giving out the bread, apples and water I had. That was at 7PM so I did a facebook live first on the street with music, but the music was more for the homeless people around. The facebook live video was only ten minutes but I played a good half hour there. I could see people responding to it therapeutically. I've been having more conversations with people living on the streets. I don't know what is more significant the music or my friendship and respect. There is a little fun in it all also. A homeless person the other day said they could hear my truck coming down the street. When people see me, they stand up and wave so I don't pass them by. I need to make sure they do not become dependent on me... because I cannot depend on myself do be doing it everyday. It really is a one day at a time life for me. And what I just wrote about significant... my music is without question more significant than the food I have from the point of view of those living on the streets. They tell me that!
May 16, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I picked up another load of water, apples, bread and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from Max's McKee's Ranch and went right into work mode with it all giving it out. It is amazing how the Traveling Piano has been transforming, watching it happen. The food began before the virus in giving out food and water on the streets to those in need. The last few years I had been doing just water from my backpack as I took Mo for his walks at night. Then I began taking extra food that was not needed from the Rescue Mission and other sources that I was connected with. And now since all those past sources have ended, my own sources have begun on a regular basis with truck loads. It is all about community outreach and showing the worth of humanity through validation and reassurance. Its funny tho, my ego wants to come into every conversation. While I'm talking with someone I will insert a "brag" and then realize it almost immediately. As soon as I realize it, I completely forget what I was talking about before the "brag" was inserted, lol!
May 15, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Mo and I drove to McKee's Ranch to pick up the rest of the water Max had for us with some bread, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches he made, oranges and a crate of apples. It is very hot outside but doing everything late in the afternoon and into the night works. It only being May, the summer I do not want to think about. As Max and I get to know each other and become more friendly, topics are beginning to surface as in political topics and that is not good... at all. We are politically at the opposite ends of the spectrum in every way. I've known this, he's known it. He is strong, I am strong. There will never be a meeting of the minds concerning any of it. So my strengths must seek to cope with our differences for the sake of the common goal we both have to help those in need. How he is hurting those in need at the same time with his views and other activities... cannot be any of my business. This is a significant challenge for me. And, I have had to shut the conversation down several times now because if I go on the attack, I will go overboard with it. I can look at the situation from the point of view of what I am getting for the sake others or I can look at it all from a spiritual standpoint only.
Spiritually I am focused in how we are both serving a greater good through what we both are doing specifically concerning others on the streets in need of food and water. It is a fine line to balance on in order to dance. What I have next to say has nothing to do with Max personally. It is sort of working with someone in the mafia who destroys lives while going to church and being a pillar of the community in all good ways. As I get older I realize that no situation will ever be totally ideal so as situations develop I just have to measure the worth on a consistent basis according to my own morals and ethics... while holding on to my own morals and ethnics with dear life. In the search for perfect relationships well, it is never going to happen. I detach from people and relationships that I find dysfunctional because I'd rather be alone than in a dysfunctional relationship. But, deep down a relationship I want first and foremost. Finding out how much dysfunction I can handle is a constant practice. Each time I let go of a dysfunctional relationship another relationship enters to fill the gap. I always get what I need in life. There has been a lot of abundance also. Nature... travel, meeting all kinds of people, my two dogs Bo and now Mo, all that comes to mind... 100% fulfillment. Relationships with work and business.. still a challenge.
May 14, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
At times, it is as though I am able to watch myself living through this last stage of my life. It now feels like I am in the last stage. The process is astounding. As time moves on I rest more and more. My active periods become shorter and shorter. What is accomplished in the short amounts of time is no different from any other stage of my life to date. There are times when I accomplish nothing, There are times when I accomplish an amazing amount of... whatever. All of it, including the rest... is life itself. I am grateful for the process. The ability to live life on my terms well, I have been taught to live life on life's terms... they are one and the same for me. I woke up today after sleeping about fifteen hours. It was necessary and needed.
The virus, people, myself, the world... my physicality and mental as well as spiritual states in just moving around to do anything... take care of myself, the homeless work, the Traveling Piano work... physically as well as emotionally demands a lot of rest. I am so grateful to be able to give that to myself. But, I also know there is no choice in the matter from above, spiritually. No pressure to "do" anything... that is how my life works best. That is what I have spent a life time to achieve. As a result I have been able to "do" allot in my own personal minds eye. No music today... I do not want to push anything. I wrote this blog and filled in the last two days... took Mo for a walk, cooked dinner, cleaned a little, processed pictures from the desert, communicated with a few friends, did some online work and watched a movie.
May 13, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
It was easy to pass out early last night for sleep of course from yesterdays activities. After about twelve hours sleep I got up to help my friend Max put thirty cartons of water he was delivering for me, six gallons in each carton... into another friend Sarah's store around the corner from where I live to store it all and give out to people on the streets. Just another notation of how I am not doing anything alone here. Then, there are those that contribute to help pay my rent and the gas money needed. I also had a carton of fresh apple's to give out. Once everything was stored as I went to drive back to my place I began giving out some of the water. That made me think I should just keep going while i was on a run. I gave out everything in the truck until practically all the apples were gone and the truck was empty of water. Then I did a short facebook live with music from the truck. It was way too much activity and I knew I had pushed myself too much physically. I think tomorrow I had better rest the entire day. I'm also dealing with a lot of emotional crap. That is what my friend Jeff is for, someone I can call and just rant strong and hard on... he takes it all from me.
May 12, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I got up after three hours sleep to get a Corona Virus test this morning. It was something I needed to do, more for others than myself. Actually, it was also for myself as "we" are all "one." It was an emotionally draining experience but had to be done. If the test results come out positive or negative or even wrongly, I do the best I can, I do something... show a sign of willingness to myself, for myself and others. God will take it from there and make it all miraculous which is what life is anyway. It was done through the Traveling Piano truck window and the wind was blowing ferociously. That created a chaotic environment. The people helping me to take the sample for myself were awesome in their demeanor and care. After sticking the swab deep up both my nostrils I went to put it into the tube and when I tried to break off the top of the swab. The entire thing flipped out into the air and onto the dirty truck floor. There was no doing it again and I thought... fuck! Then the guy told me it would be ok. If the virus was there it would still be on the swab. I put it back in, then into a plastic bag and passed it through the window. I'll know what is what in a few days.
After that, I took advantage of being up early and headed to the Valley of Fire because I heard the park reopened. There is nothing I needed more than to get out into that nature. All my park passes have expired but I was able to finagle my way into Lake Meade through an expired card and drive up to the back entrance of the Valley of Fire where I knew there would not be a guard at the toll both. Otherwise, it would have all cost me about $25 bucks for both lake Meade and the Valley. The relief was unmeasurable. I took some amazing pictures of the desert mountains in Lake Meade along the way and stopped at Rogers Spring a natural oasis in the desert on the way. I was going to take a nap by the water there with no one around. Then a crusty old alcoholic drove up on his motorcycle to sit and drink. A family with kids from Scotland came to eat lunch. Two women from the city came to complain about how the place used to be nice thirty years ago but now looked like a shit hole. There was no nap to be had. But, there was a very cool turtle walking around and it would go up to each person at sit next to them for awhile to see what they had to offer. It was totally not afraid of Mo and sat next to us for a good five minutes. The alcoholic tried to get it to drink some of his beer. I stayed as far away as I could from everyone.
Once into the Valley of Fire, the high winds made sleeping difficult along with the heat. I was super aware with both Mo and myself to constantly drink water... lots of water. The first three places we stopped were not very restful because of the wind, noise and people coming by. I slept a little at each spot because I had no choice. We drove around and took some photos. Springtime is almost gone but every season has its unique and beautiful visual feel. The goal was to find a nice shady cave with a light breeze. We found a perfect spot where I could not only sleep but just sit and look out over the valley. I'm always hiking and moving. Today I just sat for periods of time. It felt like this might be the last time ever in the Valley of Fire and I wanted to soak it all in as much as possible. The last time I ever did anything like this was on the coast of California. Mo and I found a secluded spot on the beach, built a little shelter and just sat with the ocean waves for hours. I knew it was my last hurrah for the beach and I was fulfilling a life long dream of doing just what I was doing. Same for today. Thank God. We also hiked some new areas to see some new amazing vistas. It was overwhelming to say the least. I am so grateful.
May 11, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
It is completely devastating for me when I see and feel people not caring, not wanting to care and specifically not wanting my care. I am sure that reflects a character defect of mine about me and not caring for myself and probably some self-centered ego concerning how they are. Never the less people going back to normal in large groups and worse out of defiance concerning this corona virus... I must let go of that and just take care of myself. But... it just alienates myself from people and it is restricting my life more than ever. I could be on the streets when no one else was on them. Now I must avoid the streets. Ugh. There is more than that going on right now concerning friendship and family type intimacies that just do not exist on a level that is supportive. I should be used to that dilemma at this stage of my life. I do know whatever level of relationship that does not exist is not about me but I also know not to chase something that is not there. It is painful at times like this. But that is on me. Because I am not focusing enough on doing what I need to do for me. Life is a practice. I just do the best that I can.
May 10, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
The first start of the day was slow. I have been sleeping at least ten hours a day. When I get up I do messaging and communication and then either go out to create a music video and/or serve the homeless. When I come back I hang out few hours doing nothing to wind down and then go to bed. Tonight, I'm spending hours updating the past four days of this blog... which I am realizing less and less people read because it is too difficult to navigate as more and more people use only their phones verses a computer. Max, who has been supplying me with food and water for the homeless had another shipment for me to pick up. If I did not have the rest needed it would not happen. I was like, "God, use me up." He got hold of a lot of cases of water. I called my friend Sarah who has a business on Main street around the corner and asked if I could store water there because going back and forth to Max's house is a pain in the butt and I just cannot store any more water in my room. There is no room and the clutter is really getting to me. She said YES! That is perfect. I drove to Max's place and met some of his family and friends, played some music for them on the house piano, picked up 80 hard boiled eggs Max made, several cases of flip open Chef Boyardee pasta, apples, oranges, fresh bread and the water and took it all out. The temperature cooled down so I made a video.
May 09, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I could not function today. From the start, I was bumbling around, dropping things, no energy, could not think, just could not function. There was no live music video commitment to be had for the first time... I am sure the heat had a lot to do with it. It has been a hundred degrees everyday for weeks, over a hundred today here in downtown Las Vegas. This is so unusual for this early in the year. How am I going to survive from now until October??? The city is beginning to open up and that disturbs me greatly concerning the virus because it is all the idiots that do not care who are coming outside to spread their germs. If they are asymptomatic that will create a lot more death than imaginable. As those damm bicyclists in groups of five to twenty fly by me on the streets with every breath out... so goes 50 to 5000 particles of breath with possible droplets of coronavirus for me to inhale.
Life has not been too difficult while people were staying home. Now with my work on the streets with the homeless or with the Traveling Piano... the danger will become magnified ten fold. So I did take out some cold water with me while Mo and I walked to get some ice cream. I've been needing ice cream and some candy for about a month. It has been a few months as a result of the lack of finances but today I just said fuck it. Came home and watched some television that I downloaded form the internet. Dispatches From Elsewhere is the show. It takes me out of myself. Sally Field is one of the stars in it and I really enjoy her acting. I also meditated today. The day would have been so much worse without having done that. I need a two week break in heaven, some other environment other than here to regroup and revitalize my energy and spirit. The beach, in nature, a comfortable home or luxurious hotel room all to myself... ahh, the past life.
May 08, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I have always received a constant message from my brain that people do not care about me. This has been life long and even now at age sixty five. I know it is not true. Those who will not let me care for them or who do not want my care... adds to the feeling of not being cared for. In reality I know that people do care about me of course. Feelings are not always facts. There are also people I do not care about. It takes constant, conscious work to... remember to remember. Negative feelings can be strong enough for me to become totally absorbed in thought with them and that can lead to a feeling of desperation. I want to deny, escape from them, destroy myself to get rid of them. Of course there will always people people who will not care about me and those who care about me only for themselves for a self-serving reason. Then there are those that want to care but cannot and do not for a myriad of reasons.
There are those who care but do not show it for some reason. They keep it to themselves or with others or... beat themselves up about not being able to show they care. And then there are the twenty six subscribers on this website who serve as a reminder that there are people who actually care, and do it monthly. There are also a few friends who reach out to connect every once in a while. Random acts of kindness are shown with surprise contributions to and for my life. I have a friend I connect with almost every day that cares. There are hundreds, possibly thousands of voyeur type friends who check in online to see if I am ok and not just out of curiosity but because they care.
Also, thousands of people have showed signs of care through contribution for this journey over the years, they care. All of this I know is true. There are angels in my life I have never met both present and now passed who care about me. I have a personal relationship with God who cares about me. With all that still... there are times I feel lost and alone. This, because people are not caring for me in the way I feel is needed, when I need, or they do not care enough when I have a feeling of extreme need. The practice of not feeling needy is a most important practice. It works through my looking for and finding gratitude. Gratitude facilitates acceptance which reveals the truth of spirit... that I am loved and that we all live in a friendly universe.
May 07, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I'm fairly certain that I am going to die soon. What is soon... a week, month, year? It feels like the right time is approaching and of course, I'm ready. Sometimes the idea makes me happy. It would be preferable to have Mo go first. For both of us to go together, that would be the best. I want to finish up the processing of the journey's photos for this website first. Does this kind of talk make you feel uncomfortable? I hope not. It is important to be able to talk about death. It is simply a transition. All is good. There is no question in my mind that it will not happen in my time, that it will happen in God's time, the perfect time. I have always had a strong Death Drive. It is a classic Freudian psychoanalytic theory. It is a drive towards death, destruction and forgetfulness. It compliments the drive for survival. It prompts me to become self-aware, to create more consciousness and to develop more of my potential. So these days... I want to share, give and to love what is most important to me as much as possible. I want to stay with the present given to me... the present moment... in joy and happiness not only for myself but for the world.
May 6, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
The heat for this time of year is just so wrong. I must not think about the fact that it is not going to end until October and is going to get a lot worse before then. Mo and I headed to the streets to finish giving out the food and water from yesterday. People's appreciation is very worth while. I met a guy named Tom who was with his daughter who I think I talked about here last week in this blog. I have been hearing about her for a year but we had never run into each other until last week. She does what I do... we administer love to people on the streets, share a common caring for all of humanity. I ran into her today for the second time. Tom is her father and he was with her in wanting to check out what she does. I ended up creating some music while there. I'm recording from my camera instead of using the facebook live everyday as my phone's camera gets too hot to record on. It is more work to transfer from the camera and less people will see it online but it is what it is. Afterwards Tom dropped a hundred bucks on me. That was very empowering... and needed. But more than that, we got to talking and he just felt like a really good guy. What was so good was, I did not have to watch myself with him.
He was the kind of guy that... I know we have many strong differences of thought but that did not overpower the kinship as human beings. It is a rare happening these days where I can meet someone and we know there are strong differences but they do not matter because our focus on just being as good as we can be with other people is what matters. Max from McKee's Ranch is like that. We pretty much know where not to go in conversation but if the conversation goes there we can also just say "bullshit" and sort of move on. Of course there are limits and boundaries but if we are both serving a higher goal and power for the good of all, the differences we can work through. Tom was watching me closely. It was very funny. I put on my plastic gloves when I was done giving everything out because my fingers where feeling sticky from the buns I gave out and I was thinking how I should have ben wearing them from the start,,, and how unsanitary I was with the buns, not wearing my mask, etc... and he called me out on it all. That just made me laugh because I was also aware as it was all happening and I was reminded me how difficult it is for my brain to adjust with what is going on and how I am doing the best I can and that is all that can be done!
May 5, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
My head was crazy all night and therefore I did not get a good sleep. I knew the plan was to pick up food and water today to share on the streets but I so very much did not want to do it. Taking it easy was the way to go so I took a short nap which really helped. Then I went to pick up the food and did a facebook live from the spot. Matt who owns MeKee's Ranch, an urban farm right off the strip filled the truck with water, 25 chicken and potato dinners, 66 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, huge bags of Panera bread and some goodies for me like eggs, potatoes and sweet buns. Mo got some exercise running after rabbits and chickens and it was so funny to watch. He was really enjoying himself. Last week a chicken flew and gave a wham into his side, lol! She was protecting her young babies. I drove to a new area of the city with the food and found much worse off homeless people than downtown. It was very disturbing to see the neediness, the dirt, the sense of people trying to survive and cope. That is partly why I did not want to go out today... it is getting more difficult to not soak in the craziness of the world right now. A break is needed from everything, from dealing with people at all. Worse than those on the streets are those online and many people living everyday "normal" lives that I run into.
The confusion, the soaking in of falsehoods, the denial about reality the uncaring nature people have concerning others they have no emotional attachment to... what many people are naturally experiencing is just tragic. People's brains are becoming more and more warped everyday from fear, a sense of entitlement, a need to understand, make sense of reality, the justifying of selfishness... the only answer is to connect with our spiritual nature. That is something few people have much experience with. Most people want it, they just have a very difficult time figuring out for themselves how to grasp it. To reach for your true spiritual self takes a daily practice and conscious desire, all the time. You must also be able to question the words of those you trust. Thank God for those that contribute monthly through this website, for people like Matt with the food, for personal friends who have sent me protective masks, soy candles to enjoy at night, homemade soap... there are so many good people in the world. My friends Deval Premel and Miten have been holding daily meditations for thousands of people everyday online. That kind of giving, sharing, caring is what I work focus on in order to have God just... use me up with what I have to offer for the world!
May 4, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
Mo and I drove around sharing four large cases of water today. I began with just two because it was all cold, all that I could fit into my refrigerator. By the time that was given out I went back to get two more cases cold or not because I was seeing so many people that, well... everyone is needing water. It has been about a hundred degrees every day for the last two weeks now. We ran into many people from the past, from Veterans Village, the Rescue Mission... I felt a little nostalgic and everyone was like constantly "God Bless You" "God Bless You" while I was like constantly beating myself up for not being able to say it as easily as them. I was raised in a way that only priests had the authority to "bless" anyone. What a bunch of shit that was! But now after all these years its still inbred in me. Most everyone asked if I had any food. Not good, not good at all... people on the street right now are not getting the food they need.
Some just don't have it in them, in the brain power to travel the distance needed, some are mental, others physically are having problems, especially with the temperatures. I went to create my live video but its not working... the phone gets too hot during the process and the sound breaks up as well as the picture. I spent about an hour running through my old repertoire of Ragtime and Boogie Woogie to see if I could still do it. It all now needs a lot of cleaning up. The piano is practically useless, there is no nuance, I just have to hit the keys strong and hard and hope they pop back up in time to play the next note. A fundraiser is going to be needed again for the piano, the speaker and also the truck which needs brakes and a tune up really bad. The truck just putt-putts away and almost stalls every time I stop. There is some jasmine and a Chinese Chestnut tree blooming around the corner from where I live and the smells took me right into springtime back east!
May 3, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
I'm overreacting with people finding me and the Traveling Piano's music when we are out somewhere. As I keep thinking I've picked a spot with no one around and do... once I am in it and begin to create music someone appears. Why would I think that will not happen? It always happens, always has. And they have just as much right to be there as I do. But still, with the social distancing, I put out vibes of "get the fuck away from me, stay away." That is so messed up. Of course people want to connect and I want to connect with them. It is a practice in how to ask people to keep their distance without alienating them. I was never good with "tack." When people find me of course it is magical and surreal for them and very special, especially in times like now... so very appreciated. I must acknowledge that first before sending any get the hell away from me message, lol! So, Mo and I drove to the outskirt of the city again where it is about ten degrees cooler from downtown where we live. The sun had just set behind the mountain while I created my facebook live video.
People were a constant distraction. One guy and his girl began to dance right next to me so they could video themselves with it all. I told them to move away, ugh. That was after I asked if they would turn the car engine off as they parked right next to me and left it running while making a video. There was about 500 feet all around and they choose a couple feet away from me. I get it. They were caught up in the moment. Balance is needed. I can still create music for people. It is just that I do not want to encourage anyone to gather together right now. I am in a process of change. We are all figuring out how to realte in new ways in the present moment. All is good. Afterwards, I just sat in the truck and soaked in peacefulness in the cool desert twilight. A desert fox crossed our path right in front of us. Mo wanted to jump out of the truck to go play. I was like, no...no...no... buddy.
May 2, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
My good friend Pat passed away. I met her through her daughter Cindy who is also a good friend of mine. They both have been the longest and most consistent supporters of this Traveling Piano journey. Pat included me into her family. Both Cindy and Pat take care of people who need care and they share unconditionally because... "that is what you do when needed." Cindy took care of Pat in her home until just a few days ago. Pat had Alzheimer's for the last ten years? But, both Cindy and I knew she was present in spirit the entire time and we were able to know and acknowledge that. Pat was the first person to ever give me the feeling of being totally accepted into a clan.
I felt more welcomed in her home as family, more than anyone else, ever. She also gave me her family cabin to use as a home when ever needed and wanted me to be included in the family burial plot there if one was ever created. That along also with Traveling Piano dog Boner back in the day. I used that cabin in West Virginia for years on and off through this journey. Pat was a fun lady who loved to feel feminine and dance. She stayed close with her church for as long as possible in life and was a member of Alanon which we both related to. Pats funeral would have been the only funeral I would flown back east to attend, if circumstances permitted. Alas, that will not happen. I'm so very grateful to have had a friend like Pat.
May 1, 2020
Las Vegas, Nevada
The amount of denial about the Corona Virus is astonishing. Even with people experiencing it for themselvesin some way. More and more minds become gaslit daily as a result of propaganda. The confusion being created is worse than the virus itself. The only solution is for people to get quiet and learn the truth of spirit from within. It is not happening because people have no emotional attachment to what is happening. They do not want to deal with the care and compassion needed for themselves and humanity as a whole. Many people are objectifying the lives of others through economic needs, politics, numbers, statistics, false information links online created by adolescent meme posters, anarchists, morons, bots, fake accounts, accounts from other countries wanting to sabotage America, conspiracy theorists, trump suckers, and the like... all to create chaos and destruction through arguing, dissecting, debating...
The troublemakers are not the majority. Every day I get better with acceptance and how to deal with them. I've been using the words of Jesus lol, "forgive them for they knowith not what they do." Also I just block them all without comment. In the past I hade to comment and tell them why I am blocking them. One of the core basics that every succesful person purportes is to sourround yourself with good people, positive people, people with the same mindset as you have, simular interests. You do not have to like everyone or have them like you. There is nothing to miss in not having them in your life. You know they exsist, you know what they are about and it is always the same old, same old. They have no true spiritual life.
They all know it subconsiouly and want it but are to afraid to explore themslves and so they are always looking for outside stimulation to distract from that fact. And you do not have to accept peoples thoughts or behavior. I know just block them all online in groups, on my pages, from comments I see on friends posts. I especially block them if they push a button in me that makes me want to strangle them. Life has been getting better as a result. Also, everyday that i do not spend time in meditation I fall down the rabitt hole of fear and detachment from the, gratitude and joy that life offers. And then there is nature, spending quiet time in nature heals all wombs along with music. I've been connecting with people online with a facebook live for about fifteen minutes everyday.