HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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December 31, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
My last entry for 2018 seriously, twelve years of daily blogging... this journey lasting as long as it had and still going, what an accomplishment and a testimony to commitment. It has happened one hundred percent through the grace of God and my gratitude for that grace. So in honor of such a long time I'm going to make this a long blog entry, lol. The day began at Veterans Village on the strip. It feels so good when I am there because people like when I am there. They show it, they tell me. Mo and I are appreciated both for ourselves as well as the music. Everyone loves Mo. He brings joy to people. As many people there are neighbors I feel a sense of community with them all. What is not to like about all that? Plus, they offer... that is the key, the "offering" of food whatever I want and as much as I want unconditionally. As I have said in the past it is not a payment for services, it is in appreciation through support, contribution and being in this game of life together through sharing.
Afterwards, I took a nap because I'm still having physical issues with a flue, cold, breathing, whatever and I was drained. Around six at night I headed out to the Arts Factory to a fundraising benefit for a guy needing help with health bills. I wanted to lend support with the Traveling Piano. The place was dead. There was no one around which just baffles me. On New Years Eve, the streets everywhere used to be filled with people milling around even if there was nothing to do. So I played while people arrived. There were very few people and no one was interested so we left. I did create music for myself for about an hour and that felt good. While playing, two huge military helicopters were flying around in the dark serving no purpose but to create a presence of mind about the mass murder here on the strip a few months ago. All they were accomplishing was to create fearful memories.
The idea that people will feel safer with them creating the sounds of fear in todays world is ridiculous. If anything, it creates a fear of getting caught in the middle of a battle. Also, marshals (police) were hanging around the neighborhood looking for trouble. They made their presence known by stopping in the middle of the two way street and sitting for five minutes at a time. For who? Me? For the entire hour there was no one, absolutely no one, no parked cars, nothing. No cars even drove by. No people walking. I know from past experience they were chomping at the bits to get at me not because they were curious or bored, they just wanted to feel important in dealing with a possible threat because what they were seeing was different. There were many streets they could have been stopping on.
An old man playing the piano on the back of a truck with a happy pup sitting on top of the piano... a possible terrorist. Lol, how many times has this happened now? Too many. Morons. But... they could not get at me because I was on private property, hahaha. I loved that, I could see and feel them trying to find a way, an excuse but all they could do was sit in the middle of the street to the side of me and a bit in front so I could not see their faces. Lol, Oh God I was loving it and on that note... I was trying to decide whether I wanted to partake in the strip festivities at midnight. I took Mo for his regular walk and realized a long walk down the strip would not be a good idea at all. In fact, thank god the fundraiser was not a busy time... I would have become sicker physically now more than ever.
Mo and I hung out in our room and we both ate some salmon. I had veggies and dip and party type foods I saved for tonight. I treated myself to some red currant compote juice. My neighbors and I all watched the fireworks going off the top of the Stratosphere Motel outside my door. They were just one small part of the cities big show but having them so close was fun and enough. Last year, I think this was my third day in my micro studio apartment. I don't remember so many neighbors watching the fireworks together. People are not going out as they did in the past. They are staying home stuck in their computers, phones and televisions. I'd like to change that in some way. I'd like to see people hanging out in the streets with a sense of community and not only at commercial community events.Happy New Year!
December 30, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
I cannot think about the fact that 2018 is almost here. It is too much for me to take in, the reality of it. When I was about twenty years old, I specifically remember thinking about how I would be in my forties when it turned 2000 and wondered what that would be like. Also, I remember trying to stretch my mind to 2017 not being able to imagine that. Then at twenty five, I thought I'd be dead at thirty three. 2018 is not in my reality yet. Will it happen? The connotations concerning my age... mind boggling. These days I am conscious of how my physical limitations and how my senses come and go, my mind works slower, etc... What am I capable accomplishing at this point? The truth is I have no idea. I also know that I've never been good at pushing myself and when I do, I break, lol. I'm not into New Year's resolutions because I also do not handle pressure as in, pushing myself. Working to become more self-centered as I was in the beginning of this journey if not more, that would be something good to accomplish for 2018 if I am meant to go on. In the beginning I realized that I must enjoy and take care of "me" first, totally. Fill myself up so much with me... that I overflow into the world... so the world can fill up with my joy and gratitude and musical fun, friendship and respect!
December 29, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
With New Year Eve Coming up God, I hope I feel better. I'm not putting much chance in that thought but I will do what I must do know matter how much worse I get physically as a result. I've made a commitment to hang out at the Local Veterans food bank during the day and then at night there is a fundraiser for a local drummer who is having problems paying his medical bills which will be held at the yoga center where I have been hanging out. There is nothing that gives me more purpose than my commitment to this journey and the taking care of myself in order to keep doing it, well... I just do the best that I can. I made an five gallon container of turkey soup today with potatoes, celery, carrots, onions, peppers, seasonings, squash and of course turkey meat. I have no room in my freezer and I've been eating a less less these days because of being sick but when all is said and done... not one morsel will go to waste I can tell you that. Nothing that crosses my path goes to waste! My plan was to be out in the skid row areas during the day with the Traveling Piano between the two commitments on New Years Eve but I'll need to pass on that plan. Damm!
December 28, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
I'm out it, sick! But... I still took Mo for a walk, did a lot of picture processing and uploaded them to the galleries and... I am so the man of making do and say that after just successfully cooking a 16 pound turkey in a small convection oven with no pan only tin foil to hold in the juice... with stuffing and fantastic gravy. And the craving of the meat? You don't know what fun is until you simply tear apart a turkey with your bare hands! I borrowed my neighbors oven and visualized it for an hour last night, lol! Getting it in and timing, cutting up and all the cooking of mushrooms, garlic, spices, celery, bread, butter, chopped gizzards, hearts and livers, the turkey itself, etc... transfer of containers, chopping it all up... I'm working in a 3'x4' area that includes a sink, the 2 burners, a tiny sink and practically no counter space! And then there is the cleaning of everything.
December 27, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Another low key day with simply a walk for Mo as my cold is back in a big way. We passed the healing park. I met a woman who was in the mass Gun Murdering here in Las Vegas. She was able to talk with me in depth and give intimate details of what happened to her. I gave her as much attention as possible. Of course, people are processing their experience and will be for years. My having had connections with the Virginia Tech Massacre, Sandy Hook Connecticut Gun Murdering, in San Bernardino, and with other national disasters is helpful when people need to open up. There was another guy there who keeps vigil at the park and he turned the discussion to conspiracy theory and I got a bit heated. I warned against getting lost in information that can lead to gaslighting and how dangerous and evil conspiracy theories are.
Of course people are trying to construct and understand what happened and also are looking for closure which is natural but I tell them to go to spirit first and always. Whatever information needed or desired will be supplied in spirit, that must be the source and not the mind in of itself. Listening to other people's minds, what other people say, write and gossip about is a very, very dangerous thing to do. Don't seek out the information, let it come to you. It will. I suggested the staying conscious when digging into details and to be careful that digging does not become a distraction for processing feelings. Be aware of information, but do not become inundated with it. Also, be aware not to let the event create life's identity and lastly I suggest staying conscious to not create a attachment to the event to draw on for a sense of stimulation.
December 26, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
My cold is back. Strangely enough I am ok with it. As a result I spend a low key day just for myself hanging out in my room. After sleeping most of the afternoon, I took Mo for a walk and spent the day listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies. These pictures are from last night at a local mural outside a new sexy lingerie store up the street from where I live just across the way from the healing park where I was creating music.
December 25, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
I woke up with no sore throat just physically raw from yesterdays work and I was very thankful for that. The constant gargling with salt water I think did the trick. Also the realizing that I was holding tension on the left side of my head and needed to consciously relax the area in my minds eye, that helped. More than anything today I have a huge amount of gratitude for being able to create purpose for myself in the world especially on days like today, Christmas Day. Cheryl from the local yoga studio emailed me saying she was going to the healing park today, a park up the street from where I live and created for those affected by the mass gun murder here in Las Vegas three months ago. That was the catalyst for today's agenda. At first I was only going to spend an hour or so but once there I realized it was where I belonged all day. People who were there, family members, friends, people who were supposed to be at the concert but circumstance prevented them from going and those who care about the gun murdering... this is who visits the park. That is a lot of people affected. There were 10,000 people at the concert and then the fifty killed, 500 shot, extended family members, neighbors and friends... a lot of people affected by those who try to shove gun ownership on society. I need to stop with all that because I don't want to rant... today.
Interesting things happened while creating music. Aside from Cheryl, her husband and son showing up, a guy named Brother Dre who holds vigil during the day at the park everyday was there in his motorized wheel chair and got out of it to climb up into the truck for a picture and some musical time. Then another guy who holds vigil at night showed up. Neighbors came out. John an artist who lives behind the park brought dinner out for me. A guy Gabriel who I have hung out with and have not seen in a few months and his wife showed up. A facebook friend who I have not seen in almost a year showed up. It was a feeling of community and family and as people came around it felt that I was truly meant to be there for Christmas. I stayed until dark and am totally physically worn out. Before leaving I drove the Traveling Piano across the ally to a new sex lingerie store that recently opened to engage with a few employees who could not leave the store but were very interested in seeing us over at the park. In these last two days I worked more than in a usual two weeks at this stage of the journey.
I'm really glad to know I still can work this much. Before I went out I had some borscht soup that was awesome and in honor of my Ukrainian mom along with deviled eggs I had made, and also orange juice. I have so many awesome foods to eat for the holiday, a little of each all my favorites like Ukrainian holipkies also known as pigs wrapped in blankets, real string cheese not the supermarket crap, french onion dip with veggies and potato chips and major chocolate, peanut butter desert balls that I made. The chocolate balls were made from pure luck using cheerios, honey, sugar, chopped salted peanuts, peanut butter and milk chocolate baking morsels. The food treats are the Christmas present to myself. I have a huge turkey given to me defrosting in the fridge and have no idea how I'm going to cook it as I have no oven! This years Christmas has been a total success and it feels really good and I have a lot of gratitude for that, the knowing what I needed to do to take care of myself and having the grace to do it. The night ends in sending a Merry Christmas to everyone who helped me stay afloat a few months ago in getting the Traveling Piano repaired.
December 24, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Wow, I was excited today! I felt sick when I woke up but once I got going there were more fun things to think about. It's Christmas Eve and there are no worries about where I'm going to stay, what I'm going to do, what I don't have or want and... I've got plenty to give! The day was perfect with sun and a kind of warm temperature. Mo and I drove to the Veterans Village on the strip as I hang out with my neighbors who use the food bank there on the last Sunday of every month but did not realize next week is the last Sunday. I wanted to be there for Christmas Eve anyway and I think I was meant to be there today because one of the residents blew his head off with a gun last night so... as much cheer as possible was needed for everyone. I went up to every individual and extended my hand with a Merry Christmas. If you have not ever done anything like that with strangers and friends you have no idea that the feeling is full of constant incredible joy! No fear in relating with people, it doesn't get better than that.
After four hours of being "on" with joyful community sharing, gifting, loving through musical fun, friendship and respect I told myself that I needed to stop or else! No matter how much I tried I could not stop. I thought, if I become really sick again from putting out too much energy, so be it. We drove to the skid row area of Las Vegas where I saw on just a few blocks of the Las Vegas strip hundreds, like up to eight hundred people living along the road. It could have made me depressed because I have never seen so many homeless people here and you could feel the energy of it being Christmas with all the people feeling quite needy and hopeless at the same time. But, my having a lot of practice as a professional with my work... I just set out to create as much joy with as many people as I could. The plan was to stay an hour but it turned out to be longer. We stayed as long as possible, until the sun set. I am in awe of how many people in groups on their own were there to share food and hang out with the homeless people.
Over the last month I have seen many more groups of individuals verses churches or organizations. So I end the night in my comfy room with about ten candles lit while listening to Oscar Peterson Christmas Music with specialty meats and cheese with olives and crackers, Russian pickles, marinated red pepper strips and apple cider. For desert I had an eastern european fruit pastry that was just perfect to end my Christmas Eve dinner. After that, I watched on my computer the Christmas Story video. I don't know how I will feel tomorrow, don't really care and I'm going to enjoy it no matter what! One last thing... Merry Christmas to Me! My friend Wes who helps me with this website found the entire Traveling Piano website on my server in a folder. (everything was lost earlier in the week through a server transfer or hack) How it got there, where the folder came from we know not but... now with about a months less work, I can reload it all in about hour. All the photos are there, the music, blogs... over ten years of work. All is good.
December 23, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
I've begun to wear new clothes. During Thanksgiving I took advantage of some great sales. It is not easy for me to simply start wearing new clothes as I wear the same clothes for years owning just a few changes until they are worn out. That comes from living on the road where a wardrobe is not possible to have. This is the first year since 2006 that I have had a secure home for Christmas. It is just a small micro studio apartment room that I know I won't be thrown out of or need to leave for some reason. Thank God for a very special person who works hard to support my journey with this home. I even have Christmas decorations! 2 poinsettias on sale for $1 each after Thanksgiving are alive and well, 2 candy canes and santas, a wreath and snowman all $1 each... and a christmas tree for the wall that glitters like it has lights glowing! Anyone who knows me from the past knows I was Mr. Christmas for many years in my past life. I had a big house with so many decorations it was featured on television. Then Christmas died in my heart for several years.
Now its back and on an appropriate scale for life today. Merry Christmas! Damm I'm sick again with a sore throat. I will not let that destroy Christmas for me. I'm gargling constantly with salt water, drinking ornage juice, taking Airborn and sleeping when I can. On the corner of Owens and Las Vegas Blvd today with the Traveling Piano, I get off the piano seat to let this little guy, six years old get up to create music for the first time ever. After one minute of playing a homeless guy walks up and says, "the piano player needs, deserves a tip" and hands me a bill to give the kid. $50.00 and I thought... Shit! Damm! That is a super rare happening, why didn't it happen five minutes ago when I was up there! Lol, interestingly enough another rare happening today right before I left to go out with the Traveling Piano... a friend sent me $50.00 via paypal as a contribution! All is good. Mo and I are having a wonderful Christmas Time. I wish the same for you.
December 22, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
The yoga from the last three days got to me. I pushed too hard yesterday. It was my third time with a different instructor and she had issues with me and Mo. She did not want me resting on the floor flat out to disturb the unresting energy of those around me. Lol, I need to be in a resting position where I can rest between movement. Sitting is not resting for me. Then she had Mo issues saying saying she has allergies. Then, it was a somewhat advanced class and I got the feeling that I was not up to par for her in being there and so on... There are many classes with many teachers and no chance I am going to fit in everywhere. Especially someone like me. So today I took Mo for a long walk around the lake in Sunset Park. We went to see a bunch of cactus covered with Christmas lights. I wished they had shown the shape of the cacti.
Millions of lights with no shape made me a little crazy in the brain. It was very chaotic, as were the crowds of people. It has been a long time since I was in an environment like that and I wanted to feel it again. Ok... did that done that. I won't need to have an experience like that for another twenty years, lol. I pretty much knew what I was going into. We went to hang with some friends for an hour. I did some food shopping for Christmas for myself. We hung out with the Traveling Piano to share with people in several spots downtown which always feels good. And before bed watched a movie named El Camino Christmas which was pretty good but not very Christmassy in spirit. There was a lot of showing how people can be idiots with guns especially when they are alcoholic and are also in the wrong kind of work as in law enforcement and not responsible with their job. I'm very exhausted and must be careful that I do not over do it with physical exertion and make myself sick again.
December 21, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
After another yoga class today I am feeling physically exhausted. Having Mo with me was a problem for the instructor concerning allergies so no yoga when that instructor gives classes. It feels so good but I also feel like its not going to last. I'll just take advantage of it as long as I can. I began to create some Traveling Piano music outside afterwards even though it was cold out and met a few local business people. Feeling healthier, stretching and breathing, hanging out for an hour a day with people, creating music, rebuilding this website that was almost completely emptied two days ago from a hack or hosting server mishap, processing pictures, sharing the Traveling Piano, avoiding the news, avoiding people's insane postings online... life is looking up.
December 20, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Christmas is feeling good! I've been able to break away from neediness and connect with giving. Everyone has something to give. A smile at a stranger is giving. I've been hanging around people, thats the answer plus, I've been acting like a secret santa around where I live. Every few days I drop little decorations at people's doors. It is major fun to decorate your neighborhood and costs practically nothing if your creative. I'm creative. So all around when I come in or go out I see dollar store decorations in people's windows and on their doors. It is VERY fun. Then there is the fact that I am feeling better physically. To feel normal again after a month of flu, it is about ninety precent gone and thank God for that!
December 19, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
This website went down today. All the files... gone. 70,000 high resolution pictures, thousands of music pieces, the daily blog everyday from 2006, videos, the structure... everything that is over ten years of work. GoDaddy who hosts the site said they migrated the website from one server to another and the data did not migrate... opps, sorry they have no backup. I don't buy it. They were hacked and not admitting it and... just screw me. My friend Wes who helped me build the site has some backups and I have others. Hopefully we can piece it all back together over time. Thankfully I went to my first yoga class in over ten years today. Breathing to move verses moving to breath felt perfect. My apartment is so small I cannot lay out on the floor to stretch out so the stretching felt really, really good.
It was nice and slow and easy which I needed. I hope they will let me go back without paying. One day at a time I will take it. To concentrate on breathing for an hour... wow! I felt very rejuvenated and the time spent was providential concerning the website incident that followed. Still, the website lose was very disturbing. I depend on this website for my personal sanity. Earlier, I took the Traveling Piano out into the neighborhood to play for a few business people I told I would visit last month. We met tourists looking for something different than the strip to experience in Las Vegas especially where we are in the Arts District. Creating music on my street in the daytime feels a little awkward, a little to close to home. On first Friday's at night with very few people around it feels different.
December 18, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Today was a wiped out day. I'm getting used to that. Work hard a day... off a day to recoup. Work two days in a row and then an extra amount of recoup is necessary. There was a real shortness of breath all day. I'm beginning to eat oatmeal to help clear out my system. I looked into possibly getting back into Yoga. If I'm not going to die I had best enjoy what is left of my life and things must be done to do that. Just never thought I'd need to start from scratch... again! This will be like the fifth cycle of up down up in my life with a lot of smaller cycles within the bigger ones concerning health! It is what it is. I found an eastern european food market today. My mom was Ukrainian and her culture was treasured by her. The place had fresh borscht soup and many other food related items to bring back "mommy" feelings and memory. As soon as I get some money I will splurge there. I've not been reading the news and have been forcing myself to become uninterested. That is absolutely necessary for my sanity right now and especially online. I immediately jump to ranting on people, idiots who take the news in really negative ways or who are out to simply proliferate false news. Getting through the holidays with joy and happiness and love... that is the goal!
December 17, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
While randomly driving down the street I saw a dinner being set up in a dirt parking lot for poor and homeless people with tables, chairs, Christmas decorations the whole shabang. So of course I stopped and everyone was thrilled. The guy who organizes it with about twenty volunteers gave me a gift card for somewhere and while he was doing it said, "let me give you this but don't go running off as soon as I do." Damm, why did he have to do that? I told him now I didn't want the card and he began to apologize profusely but it was too late. I stayed anyway and tried about twenty rationalizations to keep the damm thing, especially not knowing how much it was worth and how strapped I am for money but when all was said and done I gave it back and told him that once he attached obligation and expectation... then everything becomes about payment for services and... how much I am worth becomes my call not his. I've worked too hard and long throughout my life to allow people to put their worth on my work. And when it happens it never has come close to my actual worth.
Back in the days when I worked as a performer... yes, I got my worth. Also, I'm not going to let people off the hook by taking a few peanuts from them to able to say they paid me. Plus, if I am going to get a reputation for taking pay offered for my work I might as well go begging for tips. I would actually make more money that way! It ain't gonna happen. Over ten years of keeping my agenda's butt clean, is not going to get destroyed with $5, $50 bucks or $500 bucks. I tell people there are three ways of giving. 1. Give the monkey some peanuts (a few bucks) because its fun and a way to connect and what we have all been trained to do. 2. Donate money out of need. 3. Contribute... to be part of and support. I'm a number three person. Then, there is payment for services that comes with obligation and expectation. That is an entirely different can of worms. No amount of financial pay can compensate for my work. Love cannot be monetized although services of course, can. You can love the services you provide but I'm not in the business of providing services with this journey.
December 16, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
I got out today and went to a middle school Christmas band concert. It was almost painful, lol. It made me think how there are a lot of needs I can help in the world (as in being a music teacher in a community) but, do I have the energy or where-with-all to help any at this stage of the game more than or different from what I have been doing and know how to do. Also, did that, done that I began to teach at age 15. Mo and I took a walk through the University of Nevada school campus and then I took him to a dog park. Afterwards I created some music by a field for myself which felt really good, a few people found us but the did not get onto the Traveling Piano and I found a few people to hang out with later on and spend a short time before heading back to my humble abode. I'm still alive! It felt good to push myself a little after having been sick for weeks even though I am still sick!
December 15, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
No matter how difficult, I had to get out today. I'm trying to create some fun in my life, do different things, see and be in some Christmas but I don't seem to be able to do it. It is like the Traveling Piano journey just takes control once I get going and I feel almost an obligation, but I know I'm not. There is not enough time to do both so I must choose and I choose purpose, relationship with other people more then trying to have fun by and for myself. I get enough of that when in nature and my work with the Traveling Piano although almost always the same now a days, is still fun. The last few weeks have been full of being knocked out with a flu. Then the thoughts that I must make use of every moment comes in and well, we ended up on a street, a major homeless hangout. Getting going was very difficult. Not feeling well, no energy, wanting to work but at the same time not wanting to. But as soon as I began everything fell into place as usual.
A family pulled up behind me to share food. A local husband, wife and son, they do it every Friday in the same spot. There was a huge lineup in an instant. Whether people realize it or not they are being carried through in life by others who care. Many would scream ungrateful with some of the vermin hanging out on that street lol, but we do not care of people because they are good or bad or deserving or not. We care because there are human beings that need care. And also, those appreciative should not be over looked because of a few really warped seeds. Interestedly enough the family moved here to Las Vegas a few months ago and there seems to be a lot of families I meet that spend time feeding the homeless and poor in the area that are also new. The woman pin pointed the probable reason. We are all looking for community together. It makes perfect sense. After a few hours I was done concerning energy and I'm really glad I got myself out and creating music and hanging out with people today.
December 14, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
It was this week a year ago I landed in Las Vegas. A strong supporter helped me to establish myself and still to this day has been keeping me going. The situation is 100% providential. Thank God. A year and I am still getting used to being in a new home. This is the first place I have ever actually lived, as in to have my own place other than in Philadelphia, PA where I grew up. My world has not grown very much in any new way over the last year. It has taken all of me to just keep feeding what is... as far as survival. There are several paths I've looked into but none of them have panned out because I do not want to let go of what works and that is the Traveling Piano's Musical Fun, Friendship and Respect with Empowerment and Inspiration and... at no cost, no fees, tips or commercial affiliation. I check myself on a regular basis to make sure I'm not continuing as I have been simply out of complacency or fear of moving in another direction. Continuing with my work as it has been even if a lot slower so it seems, has been the correct direction for my life.
December 13, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
A guy who lives on the streets was talking with me today. People on the streets know me, I don't know who they are but a guy was telling me how the neighborhood seems to be get darker and gloomier and then he see's me on a corner with the Traveling Piano and it instantly lifts everything up. It means a lot when people say things like this. I wish I could use my work to lift the world and then I must remember that I do and that it happens one person at a time. It is enough. Piano dog Mo lifts me up everyday and thats enough for him. There is no energy to do anything work wise these days so I just take care of myself to recuperate.
December 12, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Many people living around me are sick with cold's, flu's and other ailments. It is comforting because I tend to think I'm dying and it is all simply a validation that my dramatic nature is trying to control me. Whatever, I'm missing my Traveling Piano time. I so much want to be on the streets right now but also I need to be considerate not to make others sick. This sickness had better get out of my system before Christmas! There's really not that much to talk about coming my brain.
December 11, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
I got so crazy in my head with what is going on with tax cuts for the rich at the expense of needed healthcare for 9 million children who have urgent needs (CHIP), the evil supporting Moore in the Alabama election, the internet about to be destroyed (good luck with people finding this website in the future) and more issues as well as having a flu... that I went out and purchased a couple sandwiches to spend time with a homeless guy that looked totally dejected. While we sat in the ally talking another guy came walking by so I gave him half of my sandwich and then a neighbor with her daughter came by on their way home from school and the five of us spent some social time as neighbors. That really helped my state of mind. There can be no frustration, anger, hate, angst or need in the air when you are with people and enjoying each others company.
December 10, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
I'm sick of being poor. Fact is, I'm just sick. Cough medicine twelve bucks! I had to get Mo out for some exercise as he has been bed ridden with me and so I took him to a dog park. A shower was needed first so that was good. I have a flue. Christmas... in the old days I would drop a couple thousand on Christmas for family and friends. It was more fun then a barrel of monkeys. I wonder how many people remember that term. Christmas time was the most fun yet the most chaotic. Now, I don't have the money to get myself some cheese and salami. Lol, I had my Christmas in Zion park for a few days last week and that is better than cheese and salami. This is the life I have chosen. While at a red light and an obviously very poor older woman, I could not tell if she was homeless or not, spotted us while crossing the street. She joyfully began waving hello. When I acknowledged her she stopped and with both hands blew me the largest kiss with arms full open and then drew her arms to her heart crossing them for me before moving on. We must have interacted at some point with the Traveling Piano. The gesture was significant and warmed my heart greatly. And... this is why I must continue doing what I do.
December 09, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
My energy level finally reached a point where I had a cup of soup and a bagel. Then around 6pm I felt enough energy to update this blog. You'd think I'd be feeling better but now the coughing is starting as a result of the movement. I can't remember feeling this sick. At least I'm not on the road with this happening. Thank God for this place I have. And for Mo, thank God Mo is with me. Taking him outside to go to the bathroom is a challenge. Even bending over to put food in his dish is a total effort. I wish I could read or watch a movie or something but my mind has no ability to think, focus or concentrate. Interesting how important this blog is for me to force myself to update it.
December 08, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Sometimes I wish Mo and I could be less emotionally emeshed. He has always been this way. When I am anxious, he is anxious and shows it. When I am happy he is happy. Right now I'm sick with a coughing cold or flu or something and so he has no appetite to eat because he's feeling sick along with me as a result. He is more empathic than I. When I am sick and laying down he purposely stretches his entire body out along mine to press close for as much full body comforting contact as possible. My love for this dog never ceases to amaze me! I have never felt as much care from a living being as I have from this dog. It is because spirit has given me the ability to trust and respect intent through him more than ever before.
December 07, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
The flu got hold of me. Strangely enough while I was in a semi state of sleep, I know the exact moment that it triggered in my body. I'm completely out of it. This is being posted on the 9th because I have not had any energy. I must have driven my neighbors crazy last night with my coughing it was constant even with cough medicine. By day break I was too weak to cough. I cannot remember when I was so sick that I could not eat for an entire day. To turn to my side in bed takes every ounce of energy I have. Total pain. Where is my mommy! I took a picture of a pigeon in my back alley a week ago. It looks like I feel.
December 06, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Mo and I headed to the streets today into the poverty stricken, homeless area of the city. At a corner, there were parents waiting for their kids to get dropped off from the school bus so I decided to stop and create some fun for them to come home to. That was a short time and then I continued down the street lined with tents and people laying on the sidewalk. At one particular spot I felt compelled to park and try to bring some life to one specific lady who definitely had some mental problems. She was across the street from me hiding under a blanket. I was loving it as she began to move, and then got up and then started coming across the street running back and forth about three times getting closer and closer. I turned behind me to see about twenty kids at a fence freaking out over what they were seeing. It was a high school and the administration came out to embrace what I was doing and I ended up taking the Traveling Piano into the school parking lot for more fun.
December 05, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
Everyday I pray, "god please direct my life." It helps me to feel secure because I have faith and trust that the god of my understanding does direct my life as long as I allow that. When I am in the frame of mind to let all thoughts go as in "give it up" I remember what I learned in 2010 while hiking in Glacier Park Montana that simply "being" demands nothing, there is nothing to accomplish, it demands zero responsibility. Simply "being" is a state of joy, security, fulfillment and contentment. Reality can become warped when seen only through the mind.That is when an illusion of being comes into play. There are many ways to experience what I am writing about with simply being. There are different ways for different people. For me the easiest way is to walk into it through nature. It also always happens when I am interacting one-on-one with someone through the Traveling Piano.
December 04, 2017
Las Vegas Nevada
In being honest with myself I know my biggest challenge in life is to allow myself to feel part of... anything. My thin skin from a lack of self-confidence has always been with me and always will. It is a matter of whether those feelings take control of my mind or not. Being in a room with other people interacting is almost an impossible task. I can get by with small groups and have no problem one-on-one. Must I be part of something? I know realistically in many ways I am part of many things, ideas, etc... but realistically my mind can also tell me otherwise. Being part of the universe, no problem but in the reality of relating to people in this world... it can be a challenge. This journey has been such a gift because I have found a way to relate that is successful and 100% on my terms. But thats not the kind of relating that is a challenge. It is when it is not 100% on my terms that it becomes a problem. Sometimes I wonder if this journey has been yet another distraction from dealing with the reality of my life's challenge, that is the issue of being and feeling "part of" something bigger in life. Focusing on God too much can be a distraction for reality. That can become a distraction in saying we are all part of God's love which is bigger than, blah, blah, blah. This issue is the disease of my life.
December 03 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
I have been thinking about how Mo is the embodiment of everyone who has ever loved me throughout my life. Also, how the past few days in Utah, going there was providential, meant to be and how grateful I am to have been able to give it to myself. The timing in every way was perfect. I wrote about that over the past few days but now just another point... the temperatures have now dropped into a winter feel. Whereas it was in the seventies, tonight it is going down into the thirties. I caught the last part of any warm weather for the season just in time without knowing. When I take care of myself good things happen. I spent time at the local Asian Center today. The place came back into my life and I do not want to project why, for what, etc.. I must think one step at a time as I have learned in the past that jumping to positive assumptions can be detrimental to my well being. I'm having difficulty with choices and decisions which is nothing new but always a huge challenge to have to deal with again, and again. I'm not complaining as I have decided to make my own choices which is the only way for me to live life. When I was away and in nature living in the present moment was so easy. Now back here in Las Vegas I must consciously remember to place myself into that state of being.
December 02, 2017
Utah and Nevada
The last few days were fun! Thank God I could enjoy them. Before leaving, I met a Mormon family in town for a Christening and the son got onto the traveling piano to play a hymn. It was enjoyable interacting with them all. In wanting to make the most of my get away I meandered back to Las Vegas. A state park nearby was first on the agenda. They were chraging $10 to get in so screw that and then I found another state park that had a lake with no charge. With such a beautiful day I wanted to just lay near the water. My dog allergy with Mo got to me last night so I had little choice as functioning was almost impossible. After some aspirin, and rest on the ground using Mo's piano rug I came back to life under birch trees growing in the water with their yellow leaves still clinging on. It was totally peaceful. Mo came up and sat next to me while literally pressing his cheek to mine. There is no better feeling when he shows pleasure with intimate closeness for me. My dog knows how to cuddle and nuzzle!
After that I headed to the Snow Canyon overlook to eat lunch, create some music and walk around a little. What a fantastic place that is. The fact that there are so few people around everywhere I go is always a "double" fantastic. During the drive through the desert to Las Vegas I looked into my rearview mirror to see the moon rising and had to stop and take a picture. The cream color with the deep blue background was just beautiful beyond the usual. Once back to my place I could feel all the crazy people living in apartments around me. Not in a bad way, just as in... it is what it is. There was also a palatable feeling that I was missed. I do not know what that is about. maybe the consistency of relationship good or bad for them or the stimulation of seeing the Traveling Piano in the parking area everyday, who knows. All I know is that I must keep a healthy distance from everyone! Lol, I am so grateful to have my little room to return to with my familiar possessions to work with at hand.
December 01, 2017
I woke up feeling very good and then I went onto facebook and my mind turned instantly to anger and thought, why did you just do that to yourself? There are certain type of people I do not want in my life and I had to deal with that on facebook. Mo and I headed out to experience some nature. At first I was heading for Zion Park. Now is the time with not so many tourists. Off season just began. Last week there were 3000 vehicles that went through the park. This week... 300. When I was here a few years ago you could not drive through the entire park, they made you use a tram because of so many people. This time everything was open. Then I thought, I don't even want to deal with a few people. We went exploring the park through the Kolob Plateau. As I drove, there was a constant déjà vu until I realized I had been through the entire area before. But, I never walked around in it and today Mo and I did.
Through a pasture type forest of pines trees to different overlooks. I can feel myself slowing down physically. It does not feel like a bad thing, it just is. I cannot jump into the truck from the side as I have always done. My hearing is going as well as visually... I do not only experience night blindness, the sun now makes driving or walking difficult when it is in my eyes. My breathing is not so good, my thinking is slower with my movements. I'm going down with the truck! Lol, it has lost its performance level of operation in both function and looks so to go back to making money with it does not look promising. There are things I could probably do to help myself get better. The grace of God, if it is meant to be is needed for anything to happen. I just keep focusing on doing... enjoying... balance and having a good time! We passed through a small quaint town named Toquerville and it felt so peaceful, clean and quiet, a quaint sleepy town to retire in?
Lol, I think not because of practical reasons, but its an idea. I am fairly certain I will never retire in a traditional sense. That is not in me to do. Once I returned from the days exploring I shared the Traveling Piano with the hotel night desk person and the owner also happened to be there. I was exhausted but they were interested and that made my day. The owner and I got talking and I asked if he was Mormon. He said yes and then like I can do sometimes... I put my foot in my mouth with a not complimentary Mormon statement. A half hour later a young kid comes to my room with a Santa hat on to say Merry Christmas and handed me an envelope. It was cash, the cost of the nights room and a Mormon "Light the World in 25 Ways Over 25 Days" card. This is the first motel ever to reciprocate, the first religious person ever to contribute in the name of their faith in all my 50,000 encounters! And, despite of my being an imbecile. Lol... its a good feeling.