Raggin' Piano Boogie

HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010

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January 31, 2011

Well, I got up the hill and then down and now after a week in my little hollow I need to get back up the hill quick before an ice storm hits tonight. I'm both glad and not glad about my lack of internet, television, etc... The Traveling Piano truck is probably the only vehicle in the area without four wheel drive. I've been waiting all month for the usual January thaw. It has about nine more hours to get here. I have pinto beans, cheese, some oatmeal and a lot of jelly in the house so I'm glad I got out to stack up with food. There is no urgency whatsoever to do anything concerning work, the journey on the road and that feels surreal. Of course there is always work to do but no feeling of obligation or expectation. For example, there are only a few pictures for the blog this month. After five years it feels great to not put pressure on myself. I have no feeling to entertain, create interest, hold attention of visitors to the website with pictures. Updating the site from Bo to Mo... the links and creating more clarity for the site, this has been moving slowly. (like one mile an hour) I'm really getting good at separating from it all. My taking breaks to rejuvenate are getting better and better. I'm really living in the moment. Piano Dog Mo plays a huge role concerning relational needs and feeling connected. He is my comfort, fun, friendship, respect, company, object of affection... the intimacy between us is profound. :) ... and in the same breath... I'm not out of reality, I know he's a dog.

January 30, 2011

I've realized that it is impossible to forgive someone while your having angry feelings towards them. Haha, this is great information! It helps with my honesty which is to know that I want to love verses hate... just a personal decision. I cannot do both at the same time and the idea of "trying"... a joke. I either let go of the anger or I don't. There is no in between. There must be some emotional detachment in the process. That takes objectivity and practice. Having any degree of anger just leads to continued anger. Anger is anger. Anger is not compatibility with forgiveness... going towards forgiveness or anything else. Forgiveness cannot seep into anger, be a part of anger, live along side of anger or get rid of anger. It can only be one or the other... not that there is anything wrong with anger. Anger can be a great motivator, a catalyst, a stepping stone for productivity.

I have been thinking about spirituality. Anything kind of teaching that deals with punishment or reward has nothing to do with spirituality. Punishment and reward breeds fear and greed. There is no spirituality in fear and greed for me.

My dog has me running. His romping through the snow slows him to a pace perfect for me to run with. The outsides of my feet have been bothering me. I saw in the footprints of the snow that I walk flat footed. (because I am) My feet step almost sideways. I am working on being more conscious about walking with my feet straight... but not necessarily in a narrow way.

January 29, 2011

Lets see if I can describe this. Outside, it is very white. I took a walk with Mo. Actually I almost ran while Mo romped the entire time. My dog likes to act as if he is a snow bunny. He likes his snow deep. Neck deep is not deep enough. He loves to romp up and down and through it. He could have walked with me on the road but he choose to romp along off to the side in hills of plowed snow. As he romped, I wondered how much he will love the warm beach and sand by the ocean in Miami. Someday that visual will manifest. After about an hour of exercise he jumped into my lap to lick my face with appreciation. Later on after doing some work I lit a few candles and soft colored lights... closed the house curtains, everything turned cozy and warm. I make a chicken salad sandwich with celery and a home made honey mustard dressing. Then I had a few cookies, some candy and Mo had a bully stick. While in my recliner and under a warm blanket I watched a French comedy named Priceless from Netflix . Mo lay completely stretched out legs and all, on his back with me in the recliner. Completely by ourselves, completely content with no thoughts of anything or anyone. Tonight was the first time I felt totally satisfied and content in having a wonderful life experience without the need to share it with anyone. Yet, here I am sharing it? Go figure... I suppose it is the difference between need and desire. I guess I'm operating from desire. Gratitude motivates my desire.

January 28, 2011

I "had" a friend that misused my trust in the worst of ways. They not only threatened my personal security they also hit my "loyalty button" in a bad way. They were destructive to others connected to and very close to me. My loyalty button can be sensitive. The hurt has been eating away at my life's joy everyday for almost two months. That is right, Danny Kean is not always a perfectly free living spirit in bliss. Every morning I have been waking up with my anger, feeling a need to deal with the hurt. I want it out of my life which is difficult because the reminders are up front and in my face everyday. I decided to write about it with the hope of dissipating the anger and hurt forever. The result after an hour and a half of writing... I realized (in my gut) that I am angry at myself for allowing this crap control my emotions and feelings. I am angry over letting myself be angry! Hahaha... and also I am angry for making the mistake of subconsciously feeling I would never get hurt by this person ...or any person I am close with. What a joke!!! Believe me... there has not been one person alive who I have been in relationship with who has not done me wrong in some way or on some level, at some time in life. I am angry that I cannot protect myself completely. I am angry that I lack control over it all. I am angry that I get stuck in the illusions of bad, wrong and evil. Where is my, "it is what it is" ...attitude? The fact is, life comes and goes and comes and goes... as do my attitudes. Practice makes perfect. Really? Is there any chance of becoming perfect from practice? God, I would be such an asshole if I thought I was perfect with my attitudes at all times! Hahaha... So, today I am not peregrinating on foot or via the Traveling Piano. I'm sort of doing it in my mind.

January 27, 2011

The feeling of gratitude... I've been trying to capture it for myself. I've been finding a connection between the feeling of relief and the feeling of gratitude. There is no need for the feeling of relief or gratitude when I am totally present in the moment. This is because I am too immersed, busy, occupied, interested in the experience of "presence." I couldn't care less or want to care more about relief, gratitude or anything else. When I am present, conscious and in the moment... honest about that, I am too busy having joy. When I am with the Traveling Piano doing my thing... that is when I have the most joy. Can we talk passion?

January 26, 2011

I know and have always know from as early as I can remember that this life of mine was to be about me. As a child I was fearful of that because most of the authority in and outside my nucleus of survival talked only about selflessness. The idea of "selflessness" is very convenient for other peoples agendas but not necessarily for any agenda I may have. I am allowed to have agendas too in this life am I not? I've spent a lot of time dealing with all that, and then healing from all that. I'm still dealing and healing and am fairly certain that I will be for the rest of my life. Damm, fuck, shit! It is what it is but without question it is my course for life. I know it, I've always known it. If I focus on myself and heal myself from ideas about "selflessness" that were thrust upon me throughout my formative years... I now realize that I heal not only myself but the world. If that sounds like mumble, jumble physco spiritual babble just let it be, ok? There is no such thing as selflessness so therefore it would be stupid to strive for that. We are all connected to a power greater than ourselves wether we like it or not, "connected" being the operative word. So it is... as Mo and I sit in the woods, in a comfortable house, in the snow... the Traveling Piano truck undercover.

January 25, 2011

A musician who deals in guitars sent me twenty-five bucks, a rare happening in deed. And... it came from Winchester, Virginia about forty five minutes from where I am staying, and... the temperture hit the forties today for the first time this year, so... out we went with the Traveling Piano to Winchester. I wanted to surprise my contributor but... my GPS could not navigate me to the address and I had no phone number.

We ended up in a park full of ball playing fields. I wanted to see if the piano still worked having been outside for so long in frozen temperatures. Everything under the tarp was covered with dust from the roads but it still worked. There were a few guys (or so I thought) playing ball nearby in a field but it turned out to be about twenty guys having a game. I'm sure between me playing the piano on the truck with Mo sitting on top and the music... they had some good game practice in creating focus and concentration. The sun against my face... wow! I felt no urgency to get pictures and that felt good.

January 24, 2011

I'm sitting on my friends Shafiya's sofa writing this while listen to her rock in a chair. The chair is squeaking incessantly. She's growing Shiitake mushrooms on her kitchen counter. I have enough time to do my internet and then I'm outta here. Shafiya is a healer who specializes in Reiki ...hands on energy work and EFT ...which is like acupuncture without the needles. She lives down the longest, steepest hill I have ever driven down. There will be ice to deal with on the drive back up... a wall on one side and a cliff on the other... and it will be a pitch black night.

January 23, 2011

Do you know that song... "Foggy Day In London Town"? Today it was... "Foggy Day In Danny's Head."

January 22, 2011

I have been nesting big time in this house I have been given stewardship of and loving it not to death... just for a little while. I'll get back on the road. I want to get my house in order (my mind, body and spirit) More honestly, I just want to enjoy everything that is happening now as in sleeping in a new bed, a super clean place, enjoying Mo and movies by candlelight at night that I get through the mail, the quiet in the morning while laying in a recliner with four cups of coffee... :) While going through remaining boxes full of stuff from the past I am reminded of how I have always considered myself the king of packing. So much stuff... three friends are coming today. They are going to take home more value and respect with them (stuff). Someone might say, "I thought you gave away everything years ago?" Well, I had a lot, a real lot... like thousands of books, and then there was the five hundred pots and pans ha, ha... and then the truck load of wrapping paper and then and then and then... I was not a hoarder. I had a big house and used to take in things other people no longer wanted or needed and would enjoy passing it all on as I am still doing now. Soon that will be all over. Also, I had saved things for security to sell for when I retired. The definition of security is illusion so I am now living the illusion.

January 21, 2011

Last night I improvised for about a half hour. As I was creating music, visuals of my life passed through my consciousness. The experience did not help me create emotion with the music, well sometimes a feeling of relief. I was amazed at what memories came to be. Topics would arrise and then situations from the topics... sexual, being treated unfairly as a child, music teachers, Bo, Mo, visuals of nature I have experienced around the world, disappointing experiences from past friends... Topics came up and then specific topic scenarios traveled through them. It felt like I was seeing my life pass by. I recorded it. When I listened afterwards I didn't think there was anything special about the music. I still stumbled around as I do, the tempos were often uneven as usual... the energy was constant as always. The piece is about seventeen minutes long as as always with longer pieces of my music there are some amazing moments musically speaking. With me I guess one needs to take it all (the aspects of my music) if they want to enjoy it. My music is good, bad, sloppy, clean, immature, mature, etc... Interesting for me, the 20th of January is past. All month right up to the day felt like the one year anniversary of Boner's passing. Bo did not pass until February 20th. I just realized this music that I am talking about is slated to be posted on that date, February 20th.

January 20, 2011

My head is swirling with thoughts. This is what happens when I am alone without distractions which is ridiculous to say because I have been watching the same dvd's over and over at night... Mo is a great distraction... I do get out to the park or somewhere at least every other day (except when I am snowbound) which is where I do my internet uploads... my computer writing, filing, archiving, uploading, downloading, communicating which is all never ending... It is going to snow again today. Why am I not down South where it is warmer and I could be doing the Traveling Piano more? What is there to guarantee a better weather situation? It could rain every day. I hear it is cold down there. Really, presently I have this wonderfully private space in a comfortable environment with some familiar old things surrounding me. I'll be out on the road soon enough and its not easy out there. I'm taking my time. Whats the rush? I feel very grateful and it is important to take advantage and enjoy whatever is present with me in life... in the moment, even though the purpose or my intent may not be clear and I am often confused and feeling insecure, overwhelmed, discombobulated. This small house in the woods is not where I would ever have expected to be but without question as I look back at every month... wow! Everything is totally clear, synchronistic and providential. Now, I want to enjoy "clear, synchronistic and providential" while in the moment as well as when I look back.

January 19, 2011

Hahaha... I just came back from a walk in the park with Mo. The entire time walking I made up and rehearsed in my head nasty, clever comebacks for irritating things people might say to me. Hmmm... I better get to creating some music real quick!

January 18, 2011

The bed in the house I have been staying in has been busted for a long time which has resulted in my sleeping with a mattress on the floor. I purchased a new bed for the place that was delivered today. I don't have the loose funds to have done that but I don't care about how much or how little money is left. It took four hours to put the bed together and I am proud of myself in being able to have done it. Tonight Mo and I will be sleeping in a new bed of comfort. I wonder how long this stay will last before we take off with the journey again. My being here in West Virginia has been continuously providential. The bed purchased, cost a lot of money for what will be so little use but I remind myself it is for the use of the family who has let me stay here as well as for myself. They have given me stewardship of their home without any obligations or expectations. I could almost cry with gratitude. Right now I am sitting in a perfect recliner chair with Mo between my legs sleeping. It is night time and I am watching a white steady stream of snow fall in path of a yellow porch light... outside two sliding glass doors. The backdrop is a dark forrest trees. There is a kerosine lamp glowing on the kitchen table. Soft multi colored ball lights frame the windows and doors. The propane heater is like having a fireplace. The new bed and my having made arrangements for renovations that are almost finished... I have been contributed to and so I contribute.

Speaking of gifting (from yesterday)... I am so in the right place at the right time. Last month I found the perfect person to bestow my life long collection of sheet music. All that is left from my past life is about fifteen hundred books, some tools and house hardware, Christmas decorations, fabric and miscellaneous other stuff. The liquidation process of my life has taken years! I have refused to let go of anything without value and respect. I achieved that goal to a point. There was one bon fire that I regret but other then that most of my belongings have ended up in good hands. Well... this week I met a young couple Reese and Sarah with a new born named Devin and a dog named Marie. They recently purchased a house in the area. We got together for our dogs to have some play with each other and then they invited me to dinner. During dinner they shared with me some of their canned jellies, soup and bread for me to take back to the house. Givers! Ha, ferocious readers also who want to build a house, had no money for Christmas decorations this year and Sarah loves to collect fabric. They have a storage building next to their house and love to collect stuff. Could it get any better? The rest of my everything... the books, house hardware, Christmas decorations and little odds and ends... all for Reese and his family. This makes me feel sooo... good. Reese said his first agenda with everything will be to help insulate their house with a wall of books. No dumping, getting rid of, giving to charity non-profits... one-on-one friendship, personal respect and relationship, sharing, gratitude, gifting, synchronistic spontaneity... these are things I favor for my life.

January 17, 2011

With this journey I am finding that it is continually important to use faith, trust and my intuitive beliefs when it comes to the where-a-bouts of having the security needed for survival in order to live. Not through the search for money but with the where-a-bouts of how to live life from the concept of god, (not from society or religion but as I personally understand) the universe and other people. How do I do this? Practice and I look back at the success I have had... for Christ's sake I've had a twenty year career playing the piano full time from the back of a pickup truck without any outside management or representation. I paid off a mid-level house, had enough nice "things" to fill three houses, been overweight many times, have had new cars... helped raise a son for a few years and a dog for almost sixteen, traveled around the world... none of it came from money! Money was the vehicle for it all... never an overabundance (yet) but always enough. As far as "hard work" ... I've worked as hard as I have felt able. I think everyone works as hard as they feel able. Most of the work I have done with my life has not been the conventional kind but more the "how to live life research" kind. This kind of work is what has carried me through life concerning all material needs. This kind of work is what I have to share with the world... the work of how I live my life. As time goes on I have been feeling that it is best shared through music. For five years now (twenty-five total) I have lived this journey without work in the conventional ways. My work has been to focus on fun, friendship, respect, musical empowerment and inspiration, spontaneity, synchronicity... gratitude, the faith and trust that if I do the right things the right things will happen. What are the right things? Where have I learned the right things? Mostly from observing the behavior of other people and then feeling through them... what is right personally for me. I have been gifted with the ability to feel good intent when I work at the search for it. The best part about my work is that it doesn't have to be a success in any way or by any definition. It just be what it be. :) My only job is to share it. The focus on sharing is what works best for me. The how's and what's and volume and balance of sharing... that is all about practice, acceptance and love.

January 16, 2011

Mo ingested rat poison today. I was moving things around in the cellar where I am staying and caught him in the act. In not knowing wether he ingested any or maybe yesterday also he might have because he was running loose in the area... I took him to the emergency clinic. The regular vet was not open because it is Sunday. First, I created forced vomiting by giving him a tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide. I found out that rat poison kills by keeping blood from clotting. This leads to bleeding to death from the inside out. The poison is cumulative so if Mo eats any again in the years to come... if he takes it again it will continually to add to the effects from the past. It takes a pound of rat poison over a lifetime to kill a dog in the end. I don't think I will be using rat poison to kill rats. If I am going to kill them it will be by an instantaneous method something a little less torturous. At the hospital they ingested Mo with a large amount of charcoal and now he will take a vitamin K tablet everyday for the next month. Vitamin K is an antidote.

I am finding that the health system for animals has become more inappropriate concerning costs than it is for humans. People have found a way to soak money into creating big expensive looking animal hospitals and then set up a pricing fixing structure so that no matter where you go its the same price... and then once in the door they piece meal the services out the ass. No emergency price shopping to be done. To walk in the door the charge... $90. This sounds better than a $100, eh? ...not! The cost is argued as being... a connivence cost. Ha, an emergency life or death connivence. For the emergency solution all expendable medical options are given. There are no suggestions under the guise of "we don't want anything to look like we are twisting your arm." This is bullshit because the feeling delivered is, "you better cover your ass with as much money as you have to spend." The more scared the owner the more money for the hospital... don't take any chances people. Take all the options? What ever happened to medical suggestions when a lay person has no idea? Rules, regulations, laws, fear, money, insurance... thats what happened. For Mo, I took two of the three options. Simple charcoal liquid, $41 bucks. A months supply of Vitamin K (24 tablets) $39.80... a friggin' rip off. Almost $2 bucks a vitamin pill? I suppose they justify the cost with the beautifully wood finished walnut grain bench I sat waiting on for an hour while watching a football game on a huge flat screen, high-def television screen. The regular vet charges $28 bucks for the same vitamin and online $2.39 (200 tablets)!!! They make money off of peoples first time learning experieinces. Had I know I would have purchased a few days worth only and then got the rest someplace else. It is not worth returning as the place is an hour and a half drive away. What are people without money who have no means to shop online to do? Later I learned that farm and tractor stores are the places to by animal meds and probably vitamins also at reasonable prices. I considered myself fortunate when comparing my situation to the guy next to me. His puppy had just broke its leg and needed surgery. The surgery price was $3,500 alone. Thats along with the hospital visit, meds, in-house over night and other peripheral costs. Sad, disappointing, disgusting... an opulent presentation, unconscious greed (hopefully unconscious) this business has the feel of a developing insurance industry's force feeding, new ways to make a buck. Where would I find $5000 bucks to fix the broken leg of my dog? What is financial worth of my animal? As I have taken into my life stewardship of this dog... now is the time for me to make decisions on what to do if anything in future if a serious emergency comes up. Answer... live in the moment, have trust and faith all the while keeping an awareness of possible solutions without inundated myself with it all. Knowledge and money account for a lot but nothing compares with the ability of spirit for survival on all levels. One thing is for sure. I will certainly not be going to go over to the dark side (insurance), no matter what.

January 15, 2011

Words are having less meaning to me these days. Especially when I think about what I am trying to say or communicate... the why and purpose, what am I trying to do when I write words. It doesn't really matter because people receive them in whatever way suits themselves no matter what. This is not a bad thing. "It is what it is." Music on the other hand, with music... I can communicate through my music with much less chance of misconstruction. I have no desire to communicate musically in ways that have already been constructed. This is not an easy task because my life's experience and structures are in fact the musical notes I create wether I like it or not. Still, the arrangement and feel of those notes, they do not necessarily have to come from my constructs. I prefer to bring into reality, to manifest, to be connected with other-than-ness, I can call it spirit, newness always different musically speaking, this is to manifest and create a balance with the physical and spirit. Some people might say that all my music sounds the same. Well, so be it. Consider my life's musical expression and manifestation a big long same "one."

January 14, 2011

I do not think it is possible for a human being to be enlightened. There are no degrees of enlightenment. When I am dead I will be enlightened. Alive, I can be present, I can discover, I can choose to enjoy. It feels best for me to be unenlightened and know nothing. So anyway... this blog process has interesting these days. I have not been posting on a regular basis because I am away from the internet. It is going to snow today so I will not be connected for a few more days. It has been a deliberate decision not to post daily as I feel a need to do just that, ha. This blog has been serving as my purpose and feeling of being connected with people. I don't want to feel like I need to be connected to people. I want that... not want to need that. Many people who read this blog feel they are connected to me but since I rarely receive correspondence I know nothing in relationship to that. Still, it is not one-on-one. There is a balance between too much and too little when creating the perfect amount of one-on-one. I am finding as I get older that people as my friend Charlie told me James Mitchner used to say "people are no damm good." The saying, "can't live with em' can't live without them" comes to mind. I would like to go deeper into myself, enjoy myself and my surroundings so I can have good balance with "me" when relating to people. Can you tell I'm a little messed up in the head today? Hahaha....

January 13, 2011

I have not shaved in days. I think that might be a good sign... showered, yes. While backing up the truck last week in a food store parking lot I tapped a car. The car had a small scratch not near the spot where I had tapped (there was absolutely no damage or sign that I had tapped the car) ...the tapped car owner submitted an accident claim that has resulted in my having hemorrhoids. The thought of making the tinniest of mistakes involving other person, rules or regulations is a life devastating feeling for me, always has been and probably always will be. I do my best to live with it. Something so small but systemized and bureaucratic is going to drive me to hemorrhoids? Where did my thick skin go? Today I must take the cover off the truck and get Mo to the vet for a checkup. He is going on monthly medication to keep away fleas, tics, worms etc... We shall see if I can get the truck started and then also up the hill because everything is iced and the temperatures have been below freezing for over a week. Please God help the truck to start because where would I get a jump start out here in no where land where I've been staying? I've been creating music everyday for about fifteen minutes. Rarely do I ever play more than fifteen minutes... an hour a day tops over the last five years. In the old days I would go eight hours straight. I'll say it again... I want to get healthier and stronger. I have enjoyed my stamina through the years with music and in every other way and want to continue that enjoyment as much as possible. While having my present experience which is to be basically alone (in a small house that I have been given to use) but now with a feeling of being in a home with familiar surroundings... I remind myself what is important and that is... to continue expressing myself, creating and sharing with my world. I woke up and asked God to help me feel safe in order to do that. (I was not feeling safe) Also, in knowing what to do and how to live life... I want (really need) to feel super clear. In the past I've had super clear messages and still need them today. I must trust, stay conscious and aware so I don't miss any messages and also relax, have patience and don't feel like I have to do something when I don't feel clear because anything I will do without clarity will turn out to be worthless. Really? ...but still on the other hand if I don't keep moving, peddling, living life with gusto or doing something, anything I will die mentally, physically and spiritually. Got to keep emoting with an awareness of my passions. P.S. The truck started, got it up the hill, took an hours drive to Cumberland, Maryland for a cheesesteak and enjoyed a visually cold day of open rolling hills and mountains.

January 12, 2011

The Traveling Piano has been sitting outside under a tarp that I purchased for it. The cover fits well and the truck has been snowed on without incident. I hope it starts when I need to go somewhere. The truck is old, the battery is old... the fact that I have been staying in sub-freezing temperatures... this has given me the the opportunity to focus on other things for awhile. I have felt a need to let loose a little from the commitment to take the truck out to interact with the mission and have interesting scenarios to report with pictures for the website. I don't want to be trying to create synchronicity or spontaneity, empowerment, inspiration, music, fun, friendship, respect etc... I want to "do" it... not be "trying to do it" ...effortless ... is the key word "effortless work" and not in my time but in the flow of my life's time.

January 11, 2011

I have been nesting in a place with everything new and with a few significant comfortable and worthwhile memories. This house I have been given stewardship of... I am getting an immense amount of pleasure out of it. This will be for just a small amount of time as I must get back out on the road but... for the last few years, although I have slept in some really nice and comfortable beds... more often I have been on couches, on futons in makeshift offices or storage rooms and I have spent many a night in dank cellar bedrooms, cheap motels also. It is really nice to feel like I have a nice, clean home where I can play pretend that its mine for a little while... keeping mind that nobody gets nothing for nothing. I returned to this present house right after Christmas and have been working to make it as nice as it is, full time ever since. It is what it is. I wanted to do this because I have been given this place unconditionally. There has been no deal to do any work, no obligation or expectations associated with the offer, this gift. I have been working to make this place feel like a home for myself and as a result my friends have a place that has been cared for and loved... and improved.

January 10, 2011

Mo... is such a gift for me. Words could never express how much. When I first saw him I thought, "too sweet a look." I did not want a sweet looking dog. His eyes are sweet the rest I would have called ugly but now having been with him for such a short time... l only see and experience his spirit totally which is beyond loving and awesome. His cuteness stops both men and women on the street, people constantly see him and smile. No exaggeration here. The hassles of taking care of a dog are so worth it even though a pain in the ass. All relationship is work there is no getting around it. Our bond is intense and amazing. Mutual and intense and amazing love, grace.

January 9, 2011

To take the Traveling Piano to different countries and create a television show or movie from my work and what I do would be a tremendous amount of fun! I realize my limitations in respect to not having total desire to pursue all of my life's goals/dreams with complete gusto... I want to enjoy focusing on what is in front of my face and... when any of the aspects of one or all of the dreams come into play naturally... then and only then switch focus and "play" with whatever for however long the aspects remain present. I hope that wasn't too confusing :) I prefer living with total gusto in the present moment with what is fun and enjoyable and in front of my face. My dreams are known in the universe and if they are meant to come true then they will materialize without my working a trudge full life... the business of balancing my creativity with networking, organizing, politic-ing, planning, negotiating, marketing, compromising, manipulating, controlling, pursuing, communicating, etc...because, I "did that, done all that" and I am over it all! Focusing only on my mission remains the priority for my life even though the other stuff slips in once in a while. I worked in balancing both in my life and career, creativity and business for twenty years. Now its time for something different. I am now into synchronicity and spontaneity, the present moment the "now." Right now the thoughts of "I hope, I think, maybe" ran through my mind but... deep down, the bottom line... the truth is that I know the old ways are over for me, forever.

January 8, 2011

As far as China and the Journey of Peregrinating Musical Exploration, I have always known the people in China would enjoy my music more than anyone else. I thought it was all about my playing Ragtime and Boogie Woogie. It was not. How do I know this? There are a million tiny little reasons. The original thought seed about the Chinese culture and people came to mind when I first began to play Ragtime and Boogie Woogie music thirty seven years ago. I thought it was most about my musical play with rigid structure of style and energy. The thought once again surfaced when the journey began five years ago when I first began to create my "own" personal music. I had never created my own music before this journey began. Now with my spirit free, I realize that the truth of the original seed thought was about the stye of no structure... and my soul. My music now comes from a stream of consciousness and in the present moment. Even though, through time I have been developing a sort of musical vocabulary... when I am conscious and feel safe or daring... I avoid all "knowing" musical structure as much as possible. I like not knowing what will come out of me musically and the fact that I could never repeat what is created live, in the moment. (although I do enjoy having recorded memories) I have come to the truth that music is not good or bad, enough or not enough, right or wrong... It is what it is! Ha, I love that. Thank God... and this is what I have to share with the world, what I have to give, my way of staying connected. I am out to produce the reality of music in every way because I believe that life is the same in every way. Anyway, back to the thought seed. This is why I have wanted to take the Traveling Piano to China and specifically to the rural areas to where musicians rarely travel and people never get to see a piano man perform live. It sometimes feels like a destiny. When piano dog Boner was alive I had wanted to take him there because the world olympics were happening and I wanted for the world to meet him. That was all about the idea of fun.

January 7, 2011

When I decided to create my "Wildest of Dreams" a superbowl dream I had... which is what started this journey... I began with looking to partner with Oprah Winfrey (her influence and means) to create it. Oprah has shown no interest to date. I often wonder if she has ever been informed. With all the work I did for the first two years she certainly should have been. Never the less, when looking back I realize my pursuit of Oprah with Harpo productions served as a daily two year anchor to get my now life style set in place. The pursuit was a major amount of fun! Following my superbowl dream was the catalyst to begin this journey. It was a way of saying fuck it to everything I was doing in life concerning all the fears and repressions I lived with for fifty years. More specifically I said to myself, "fuck em' if they can't take a joke." (to anyone who could not appreciate) I began to enjoy everything left for my soul to experience. I did really have a dream when I first began performing from the truck twenty five years ago... In the dream I was streaking (clothed) across the superbowl field for entertainment playing Boogie Woogie on the truck, on the piano, for fun! Whether the dream materializes or not I have learned that it is the journey to the dream that is important, the fun in living the journey, this is what matters and what is most important for my life. Although and of course, I want to see the dream come to life!

January 6, 2011

The journey, if I can get my where-with-all in time before the spring I will head down to Miami, back up and across the south and then up through California, Hollywood specifically. After that Washington state, Oregon and then to Alaska. I might not have time to do all that, we shall see. I need to lose some weight and get more in shape. I am no longer a spring chicken and being on the road is exhausting. My other dreams like the superbowl still exists. When the dream comes into my space I work with it. Other than that, these days my priority is to enjoy my relationship with Mo and Nature through Music and People on the Traveling Piano truck. This is what I have had to offer and share with the world in order to stay connected and alive. I have become more conscious that my goal is to not follow or create but get in sync as much as possible with my dreams.

January 5, 2011

I've been staying in a small place that I used to call a cabin. No longer... it is now a house with new dry walled ceilings, painted side walls and tiled floors throughout. I supervised and arranged for the work as part of my stewardship while using it. There is still a lot of cleaning up to do. The last of my belongings are being put out and around the place to enjoy while I am here. The picture of Bo and myself, my mom's needlepoint, a friends photo, a throw rug I brought in New Zealand many years ago... Not many things but enough to have a huge amount of familiar comfort and now with the place redone... cleanliness. Thank God and the Universe! I can never leave this journey totally but I am persently taking a break and loving it. The only hassle which is probably a good thing so that I don't get stuck in a rut is... I have no television or internet. I must drive a half hours worth to get online and that is if the service is working at the local park lodge. So... I joined netflix and have been watching movies when they get here in the mail... two hours a night's worth. Zone out, major distraction from everything, peace, comfort, joy, numbness... ha. The rest of the time is spent archiving the journeys data and files. There is a lot to be done. The Traveling Piano truck, I try to not think about it. The oil that drips a couple drops a day from the engine, the battery and everything else in the below freezing temperatures, the elements etc...

January 4, 2011

Most people don't want to experience fluctuations, inconsistency, discrepancy, contradiction, unpredictability, fickleness or uncertainty when it comes to relationship but... thats life! To think or strive for only the good stuff, well the idea of only good stuff is an illusion. Knowing that the only constant in life is change... and that change cannot be perceivable as good or bad because... I have learned you can never know until after the fact... this helps me to accept myself when I change decisions that I have made or when I act on whims, impulses, pipe dreams, (I don't think I have pipe dreams but I wrote it anyway :) ...when I flip-flop with thoughts and actions, drift away from focus or when I come back really strong, through those experiences I have become clearer in life when it comes to "mean what I say and say what I mean" but still... that all can change on a moments notice. So be it. This is ok. I adjust and... "it is what it is." I hope for the best when it comes to other people and what they think as a result of whatever. Both good and bad has always existed and probably always will. The idea about what is good and bad, everyone seems to have their own opinion about it. I am not so sure there is such a thing as good or bad. I have always preferred the idea of just or simply... "different." Otherwise the idea is always about acceptance. Seems to often people are allowed to change from bad to good but never from good to bad.

January 3, 2011

With this journey now in its sixth year, i've been getting more clarity and consciousness about the purpose of this blog and website. Sidetrack... I checked the loose website stats last week. I haven't done that in years because I don't want to get caught up in any ego gratification of how many people visit. There were over two million clicks on this website last year. Wow, I wonder if most of them were mine :) Now back to my original thought... rarely do I hear from people or read about the in-betweens of life. I mean, I hear about people who are enlightened, living in the present moment. I read about people wanting to be or trying to learn about but all that. Rarely do I come into contact with my own experience. That is to be in and out of enlightenment, consciousness, the present moment, whatever... My purpose of having this website is to show how one person (me) can live a life... what happens, the good and bad, the warts and beauty... all the "it is what it is" that exists. Why? Originally... when my adopted son went out into the world to "individualize" I wanted to give him a way to stay connected with me and continue to be of help to him if he wanted it. It is a simple as that. Look what happened! Look what it turned into!!! It is what it is. Ha.

January 2, 2011

I am feeling vulnerable and want to lean into my feeling. One of my tendencies is to numb the feeling, become distracted and get lost in "safe" old activities where I usually get stuck and ruminate. There is nothing to be afraid of. As I have learned from this journey, energy that I identify as fear is simply the present moment and where all miracles happen. I love miracles.

January 1, 2011

West Virginia

I would like to stay conscious and aware and let the powers that be take care of everything else. Those powers... not other people for sure, god and the universe working through other people but not the people themselves.